My transient life is a short journey and impermanent.
Be Compassionate. Be Grateful. Be Humble. Be Loving.
Enjoy my moment and smile when it is time to say goodbye.
2 years ago, we brought the patients (& family) with HIV/AIDs to USS.
Last year, they went to the SEA Aquarium (I did not attend as I boycotted the aquarium).
This year, they requested to visit USS again.
USS 2014
I saw some of the kids growing healthy and strong, which made me happy. There are so many happy innocent faces, yet, I could not share the photos of them, as the illness is still highly stigmatized. This really sadden me.
Life with illness is already tough, but social discrimination makes life even tougher.
Really grateful to be in a position to help other people.
Recently, I met my Uncle from China for the first time. He is a retired school principal in China, and had never stepped out of China until a few weeks. I never had the opportunity to meet him, even though I have traveled to China many times, I did not visit my ancestral hometown.
Surprisingly, I felt quite comfortable with him (may be because he looked like my father) and I had a good chat with him. At a certain point, he was lamenting that he was a useless principal, because as a civil servant in the communist China, he did not earn a lot of money. He said that he might never have the opportunity to come to Singapore again.
Admittedly, I felt sad and kept thinking about his words. Despite my short interaction with my Uncle, he is actually very observant, quite smart and knowledgeable (well, he was a school principal). He was just a bit unlucky in life - Born in China when China was in a mess, the famine, the cultural revolution etc..., his youth was wasted.
On the other hand, I am just lucky to be born in Singapore in the right time. I am given better opportunities in life. I am able to travel the world. I can choose to live in other countries. I am quite mobile.
Satya Narayan Goenka (January 30, 1924 – September 29, 2013) was a noted Burmese-Indian teacher of Vipassanāmeditation. Born in Burma, he followed the tradition of Sayagyi U Ba Khin, under whom he trained for 14 years. In 1969, he shifted to India and started teaching meditation, and started a mediation centre at Igatpuri, near Nashik in 1976. In time, he became an influential non-sectarian teacher of the Vipassana movement and a pioneer of the Vipassana meditation in India.[1] He trained more than 800 assistant teachers and each year more than 100,000 people attend Goenka led Vipassana courses.
It was a period where I try to let go of the past and future.
I always look forward to the end of the day to listen to the pre-recorded teachings of Teacher Goenka, which is full of wisdom. Mr Goenkasaid that there are 2 yardsticks to measure if you are progessing well on the path:
1. Compassion
(Are you more willing to serve others? Are you more willing to help the weak and needy? Are you giving without expecting any return?)
2.Gratitude (Are you feeling more grateful for everything?)
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato
Last 2 weeks when I met up with my friends, I realized that different people is fighting different battles. There are so many problems like marriage, health, career, money... so much fear, unhappiness, stress, sadness, hurt, losses, uncertainties...
Be kind to people.
Be kind to yourself.
There are just too much sufferings.
Personally, one of my stock investments plunged 50% within 2 hours and halt from trading due to fraud accusation. I could potentially lose all the money. I was unhappy for the first few days - thinking what went wrong, where did I analyze wrongly, how this money could be used (ie. traveling around the world for 1 year), how long will it take for me to earn back this money etc. I felt even worse when I recommended my parents to invest in this stock. It was stressful.
I found the root of my suffering (ie. stress, unhappiness).
It is my attachment to my possession (ie. my money).
I know the antidote to my suffering (ie. letting go of my attachment).
It was hard to let go.
Time is a wonderful thing.
At the end of the week, I was mentally prepared to write-off the whole investment.
There is nothing better I could do, but to remember the lesson.
I felt more balanced and at ease.
Fortunately, a week later, the stock price rebounded when it started trading.
I made a small profit instead of losing the whole investment.
+++
Life will never be easy.
There will be more challenges in the future.
It is my attachment to the world that bring so much sufferings.
If I am attached to my money, I would be unhappy if I lose money.
If I am attached to my health, I would be unhappy if I lose health.
If I am attached to my relationship, I would be unhappy if I lose relationship.
If I am attached to my possession, I would be unhappy if I lose possession.
If I am attached to my EGO, I would be unhappy if someone hurt my EGO.
It is not easy, but the antidote is letting go.
Why learn to let go?
Life is Impermanent.
This is the Truth.
I am still learning...
For the time being, I choose to kind and grateful before I bid farewell to everything.
Below is one of my favourite quotes:
“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”
Every Saturday morning, I would be trekking 3-4 hours and carrying 6-7kg of load as part of my training for my Kilimanjaro trip in July. I reached a stage where I was dreading the Saturday morning trek, as it was getting boring and tiring. And my weekend was somewhat shorten by this training.
Last Wednesday, I injured my shin and I had to stop my training (jogging, trekking etc..). Admittedly, I started to miss my training. I miss the feeling of being fit and healthy.
This experience reminders me that I have taken my fitness and health for granted.
+++
I started to think about all the negative experiences I had in my life. They are all very valuable lessons in life. I try to adopt a neutral attitude towards these experiences, and be mindful of the lesson in each experience.
When we are feeling prideful and proud about our achievement, an occasional failure is good to bring back to the ground. To remind us that it is hard work, humility and perseverance that bring us to greater heights not pride or ego.
When we are feeling invincible, an occasional illness is a reminder that we are very vulnerable and death is a common path for everybody.
I am not advocating Pessimism, but rather a sense of gratitude and awareness.
To be grateful.
To be aware of the Impermanence of Life.
When I see someone suffering or in difficulties, I think about the time when I was in their position. It is a time to lend a helping hand and be compassionate, because I understand.
On 20th Jan
13, I was transiting in Doha Airport for my flight from Rome to Singapore. I
saw my cousin posted a note on FB about the death of my uncle. I was shocked
and found out that my uncle died of old age related complications. He was in
his early 80s.
A few months ago, he
had TB and we were advised not to visit him as it was contagious. He recovered
from it, and I thought that everything was fine. Nobody told me that his health
was extremely weak and he was hospitalized for some time.
Sadness overwhelmed me
and I started to cry in the airport. I knew he lived a very good life, but I was sad because I did not have the
opportunity to thank him for all his kindness and generosity over the years.
Back in Singapore, my
aunt told me to prepare a eulogy, and I was in tears again when I started
writing and thinking about my uncle.
Since I was very
young, my mother told my siblings and me that Ah-Q was very good to my family. She reminded us that we need to be grateful. Ah-Q knew that my family’s financial situation wasn’t very good (when I was young), so
during Chinese New Year, he would always give my siblings and me additional red
packet (with quite a decent sum of money). He also told my mother to look for
him if we needed any financial help.
He was a very thrifty
person, but towards his family, he was a very generous. He embodied the good Chinese
values where family and kinship is the most important thing in life. In the
early years, there were as much as 17 extended family members (including my
mother) staying at his little shophouse. As the big brother, he took care of
the bill and fed everybody. He was
selfless and really cared about the younger siblings and cousins.
He was the pillar in
the extended family. Everybody has received kindness and help from him. At the
wake, there was an out-pour of grief and sadness. Everyone was reflecting how great a person he was.
I was thinking: How
many of us could be like him? Not many, especially in this modern
individualistic society, where personal gain is more important than anything else.
I was also reflecting what would the best way to
remember him.
Using him as a role model and remember the
values that he embodied. There is no way I could repay his kindness and
generosity now, but paying it forward.
At the end of the day,
it's the kindness and love that matters.
Year 2012 is a pivotal year in my life. There were moments of fear, disappointment, gratitude, happiness, sadness, frustration, contentment and peace. I am glad that I ended year 2012 on a high note.
I was grateful that someone gave me a helping hand when I was in need. I was worried when my father was hospitalized. I was elated when I landed my ideal job (something that I had been working hard for past 6 years). I was sad when 2 friends passed away suddenly (especially leaving this world on a sad note). I was touched when I managed to raise more than S$5000 within 2 days for a school in remote India. I was happy to see the joy on the faces of children from disadvantaged background.
Things will always change. From good to bad, vice-versa. That is the impermanence of life. It is foolish to think that life will always be good. I am coping with changes in life better, as I have accepted that this is the reality of life. Whenever I cannot accept this fact, I would suffer.
Life will always present us with many challenges. Instead of wishing for smooth sailing year (which is almost impossible). I wish everybody will learn some life wisdom to deal with all the uncertainties, good and bad in life.
Be Humble
There are so much things to learn from other people. There are so much things that we do not know. Humility allows us to learn more things and keep an open mind. We always need other people's help as we are all interdependent.
Be Compassionate
Before you pass a judgement on another person, put yourself into his/her shoe. Be mindful that everybody is the same - everyone just wants to be happy. If we see that everyone is just like us, we would be more forgiving and more compassionate. Showing compassion is the only way to renew life.
Remember to be compassionate/love to ourselves too. We, too, make mistakes, learn from it, forgive ourselves and remember not to do it again. Move on and remember that other people also make the same mistakes as us.
Do your Best
There is so much stress to meet other and our own expectations. We could never accomplish all our goals. Certain things in life are just beyond our control. We must always do our best, and be at peace with the results. If things do not work out, at least, we find solace that we have done our best. There is nothing to be ashamed when we have given our best.
Be Grateful
Remember that all things that we enjoy now is given by so many other people. A reminder of the Impermanence of Life is always helpful. I am aware that my health is not permanent, my family & friends are not permanent, my wealth is not permanent, my career is not permanent and most importantly, my life is permanent. So many bad things could happen in a minute, anything could be taken away from you anytime anywhere. Be grateful and contented.
Let Go
We came to this world with nothing. Yet, over the years, we learn so much things (thanks to the kindness of our parents and many other people) and accumulate so much possessions. The problem is not with the accumulation, but the attachment to things/identity/relationship etc... There is always time to say goodbye. Everything in life ends - your favourite things, pets, friends, family, relationship, career, health... It is inevitable. Learning to let go is a good way to set ourselves free.
Personally, I always practice these qualities and it improves my life. I find peace and happiness more easily. I am more grateful. I am more willing to share and give. These qualities are especially useful in times of difficulties and uncertainties. I am still learning and hoping to improve myself.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
Tomorrow is my birthday — always an opportunity for reflection, but especially this time. For several weeks now, I've been thinking about what I've learned during the past six decades that really matters. Here's a first pass:
1. The more we know about ourselves, the more power we have to behave better.Humility is underrated. We each have an infinite capacity for self-deception — countless unconscious ways we protect ourselves from pain, uncertainty, and responsibility — often at the expense of others and of ourselves. Endless introspection can turn into self-indulgence, but deepening self-awareness is essential to freeing ourselves from our reactive, habitual behaviors.
2. Notice the good. We each carry an evolutionary predisposition to dwell on what's wrong in our lives. The antidote is to deliberately take time out each day to notice what's going right, and to feel grateful for what you've got. It's probably a lot.
3. Let go of certainty.The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.
4. Never seek your value at the expense of someone else's. When we're feeling devalued, our reactive instinct is to do anything to restore what we've lost. Devaluing the person who made you feel bad will only prompt more of the same in return.
5. Do the most important thing first in the morning and you'll never have an unproductive day. Most of us have the highest energy early in the day, and the fewest distractions. By focusing for a designated period of time, without interruption, on the highest value task for no more than 90 minutes, it's possible to get an extraordinary amount of work accomplished in a short time.
6. It's possible to be excellent at anything, but nothing valuable comes easy and discomfort is part of growth. Getting better at something depends far less on inborn talent than it does the willingness to practice the activity over and over, and to seek out regular feedback, the more precise the better.
7. The more behaviors you intentionally make automatic in your life, the more you'll get done. If you have to think about doing something each time you do it, you probably won't do it for very long. The trick is to get more things done using less energy and conscious self-control. How often do you forget to brush your teeth?
8. Slow down.Speed is the enemy of nearly everything in life that really matters. It's addictive and it undermines quality, compassion, depth, creativity, appreciation and real relationship.
9. The feeling of having enough is magical.It rarely depends on how much you've got. More is rarely better. Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic.
10. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, and don't expect anything in return.Your values are one of the only possessions you have that no one can take away from you. Doing the right thing may not always get you what you think you want in the moment, but it will almost always leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. When in doubt, default to calm and kind.
11. Add more value in the world than you're using up. We spend down the earth's resources every day. Life's primary challenge is to put more back into the world than we take out.
12. Savor every moment — even the difficult ones. It all goes so fast.
+++
This article strikes a chord with me.
There are so many points that I totally agree and have been trying to practice in my daily life.
"Mother is a boundless source of love, and inexhaustible treasure. But unfortunately, we sometimes forget. A mother is the most beautiful gift life offers us. Those of you who still have your mother near, please don’t wait for her death to say, “My god, I have lived beside my mother all these years without ever looking closely at her. Just brief glances, a few words exchanged — asking for a little pocket money or one thing or another.” You cuddle up to her to get warm, you sulk, you get angry with her. You only complicate her life, causing her to worry, undermining her health, making here go to sleep late and get up early. Many mothers die young because of their children. Throughout her life we expect her to cook, wash and clean up after us, while we think only about our grades and our careers. Our mothers no longer have time to look deeply at us, and we are too busy to look closely at her. Only when she is no longer there do we realize that we have never been conscious of having a mother." --- Extracted from A Rose for Your Pocket by Thich Nhat Hanh
"If you were to carry your parents around with you for their whole lives - your father on one shoulder and your mother on the other - even to the point where they were losing their faculties and their excrement was running down your back, this would not repay your debt of gratitude to them. But you could repay the debt if your parents were not virtuous and you established them in virtue; if they were not wise and you established them in wisdom; if they were stingy and you established them in generosity; if they had no faith in the spiritual path and you led them to it." --- Lord Buddha
In other words, the best way to honor your parents is to be a person of good moral values and assist each other along the path.
My Mother's Hand.
Her pair of hands had went through so much hardship to bring us up.
would anybody who has a good future want to join them?
A young Souvenir Seller (supporting his family), Bagan, Myanmar
His dream is to learn how to use computer.
He was beaming with joy when he told me that he didn't need to sell souvenir tomorrow (Saturday),
as he was going to school.
Kids killed in the Cambodian Genocide.
Slum in Hoi An, Vietnam
While we were having dinner together, the mother scolded the kids who wanted to eat the fried eggs (that was prepared for me). Having eggs was a luxury for the kids.
=(
An orphanage with physically disabled kids abandoned by their parents.
The caretaker (seen in the photo) has some physical disability too.
Kathmandu, Nepal.
A street kid scavenging for food in rubbish dump.
Calcutta, India
12 years old kid polishing shoes to support his education.
La Paz, Bolivia
These strong people never stop fighting to improve their lives.
I thank them for the invaluable lessons.
+++
What is a paradise?
May be you and I are already living in a paradise.
I appreciate Qingming Festival as I grew older. It is part of our Chinese Tradition that should be preserved and passed on to the future generations. It is a good time for family members to get together and show our gratitude to our deceased relatives and ancestors. It is also a reminder of the importance of family ties as well as filial piety.
This is my first time visiting Indonesia during Qingming Festival to pay my respects to my deceased maternal grandparents as well as my deceased relatives.
My maternal grandmother
Last October, I wrote about my maternal grandmother. She was a wonderful and strong person. My eldest aunt was moved to tears when she told us (younger generation) how great a person my maternal grandmother was. In fact, my maternal grandmother was raised in a good family in China and she was literate (which was a rarity for women of her time). Unfortunately, she had to work very hard to raise 4 young children single-handedly, and she passed away before she could enjoy the fruit of her labour.
My maternal grandfather
This is my first time visiting the grave of my maternal grandfather, who passed away almost 50 years ago. I had never met him and was curious about him. For many years, the only thing I knew about him was he died young because he was alcoholic. During this trip, I learnt that he was literate and had a good handwriting, and he was a smart person who had the skill of repairing watches.
When I looked at maternal grandfather, I felt an instant connection with him. Among my extended family, I am the ONLY person who inherits a unique physical characteristic of my maternal grandfather – a protruding lower jaw (which I prefer not to have). It is a funny feeling to be at the grave of someone whom I have never met, and yet, I know that he is part of me.
My nieces and nephews (children of my cousins) were having fun running around the graveyard and asking innocent questions. They are reminders of the renewal process of life. Soon, my generation would be replaced by them. And soon, they would be replaced as well.
This is the law of the Impermanence of Life.
I am thankful and grateful to spend quality time with my extended family, and staying at my aunt’s place, where I felt familiar and safe. Even though we did not have time to meet often, we had so much to share and talk that we talked deep into the night.
Family has always been an important pillar of my life, and it will always be.
A few years ago, when I noticed a change in my friend’s behavior after she returned from a retreat in India. I only knew that it was free and very tough. Later, I met more people who have done it and all of them gave good review of this ancient Buddhist technique.
I was very intrigued about this technique, when I watched this movie about the introduction of the vipassana meditation technique in an Alabama prison. View this Youtube Video.
About 2 months ago, a good friend had a tragedy in his life. When I asked how he was coping with it, he told me that this technique helped him greatly and he highly recommended me to try this meditation technique.
I went for this course @ St John Island. This organization has presence in most countries, you can refer to the website: http://www.dhamma.org/
(St John Island - Meditation Hall)
This is a FREE course, but not an easy one. There are rules to be observed throughout the 10 days – Noble Silence (No communication, including eye-contact with anyone), 2 Vegetarian Meals each day (Breakfast & Lunch), Taking the 5 precepts (ie. No killing of any being; No stealing; No sexual activity; No lies; No intoxicants), No entertainment (ie. No book; No writing material; No handphone/mp3 player; No diary; No writing), No exercise (except walking), No religious objects or ornaments, Modest dressing, No perfume or accessories.
The rough daily routine was – 4am wake up, 4.30am meditation, 6.30am Breakfast & rest, 8.00am Meditation, 11am Lunch & rest, 1pm Meditation, 5pm Tea Break & rest, 6pm Meditation, 7pm Discourse, 8.30pm meditation, 9pm Free time, 10pm Sleep.
This is the rough course (remember: I did not have any paper to jot down). First 2 days, we were supposed to observe our breath only. On the 3rd day, we observed the sensation on nose area. On the 4th day, we observed the sensation on the upper lip. On the 5th day, we observed the sensation on different parts of the body by moving our awareness. On the 6-10th day, we were supposed to observe the sensation throughout the body by mentally sweeping across it.
Physically, it was tough. I had back-pain and shoulder-pain from seating on the upright position for long time. Mentally, it was even tougher. My monkey brain was filled with random thoughts that arise and disappear without my consent. However, I am surprised how my mind works.
For instance, if I focus my concentration on the subtle vibration on my head or other parts of the body, the back & shoulder pain became less intense and disappeared at times. But as soon as I divert my concentration back to my back & shoulder, the pain came back and intensified.
And finally, I could sit down and meditate continuously for 1 hour!
The 2 core pillars of this meditation is cultivated the qualities of EQUANIMITY and AWARENESS. And always be mindful of the IMPERMANENCE OF LIFE. Anicca Anicca Anicca. Everything in Life Changes. (ie. The sensation experienced throughout our body, our thoughts, our emotions, our decaying body, our physical possessions, our relationships etc…) A lot of sufferings arises from Cravings and Aversions. Attachment to any craving brings suffering. Aversion to any pain brings suffering too.
I left the retreat with slight disappointment, as I went there with the wrong expectation. I was hoping to understand or experience the quality of EMPTINESS and BUDDHANATURE, but that was not the objective of this meditation. Nevertheless, I realized the benefits of this technique immediately – I was more aware of my speech and behaviour, and even my thoughts. I was less reactive, and I caught my thoughts before I react in speech. That’s really good.
I would recommend this retreat to anyone irregardless of religious & societal background.
The 10 days retreat is only the beginning, and the real challenge is to practice the meditation on a daily basis. That would be really difficult.
Mr Goenka (the current teacher) said that there are 2 yardsticks to measure if you are progessing well on the path:
1. Compassion (Are you more willing to serve others? Are you more willing to help the weak and needy? Are you giving without expecting any return?)
2.Gratitude
(Are you feeling more grateful for everything?)
After watching the last lecture by Randy, I started to ask myself what are my childhood dreams? Have I fulfilled them?
+++
When I was in primary school, my grades were so bad that my mum told me (I was 9 years old) that I had to complete at least my primary school education so that I could get a job in a factory as a production worker. And because of our very difficult financial situation, my mother had to join the workforce in her mid-thirties as a production worker. For a while, my dream was really to become a production worker.
This dream was never realized. I have never worked in a production line before (fortunately or unfortunately).
+++
When I was in secondary school, my dream was to be admitted to University. It was really a faraway dream for me. And coming from a lousy school, I used to feel inferior when I met students from good reputable schools. I used to think that they knew more than me until I participated in the National Mathematics Olympiad and was ranked 100+ among the top 2000 students in Singapore, which put me in the top 1% percentile nationally for Mathematics. I was the only student in my whole (lousy) school to receive such recognition two years in a row.
This dream was realized when I completed my University education.
+++
When I was in junior college, my dream was to go overseas for university education. I did well for my first year exam and was selected to be part of the Scholars' club in the school. I also did well for my A levels exam (not straight As), but good enough to be invited for Overseas Scholarship Interviews. Unfortunately (fortunately) after receiving all the rejection letters, I sank into mild depression, as I knew I would never have opportunity to study abroad. I was offered a local scholarship, but I did not accept it.
This dream was realized when I spent one year working in the San Francisco Bay Area and was taking courses at Stanford University. That was the best year of my life.
+++
There are still many dreams of mine that I didn't realize (yet).
Working in Wall Street, Living in London, Becoming a Fund Manager, Financial Freedom, Setting up a Charity Foundation, Teaching in a Rural School in Himalayas etc...
My Life is far from perfect, but I come a long way.
From a dream of becoming a production worker to studying at Stanford University.
I am already very fortunate and lucky.
Sometimes, I was frustrated that my fullest potential was not realized yet.
But looking back, (fortunately, I started from a low base) I am already very thankful and grateful for all the blessings.
I may not fulfill ALL my dreams, but I take solace in the fact that some of my dreams have been fulfilled and I am taking incremental steps towards fulfilling my new dreams. I will never succeed, as new dreams kept surfacing. I may not be successful, but at least I tried.
=)
Tibetan Kids
(Taken on 2005 at Xiahe, Gansu Province, China)
These adorable kids were collecting recyclable items on the street to sell. When I gave them some sweets, they were really happy and started to pose for me.
Looking at them, I knew that Life is never fair.
Why are they on the street when they should be school?
I watched this last lecture in late 2007 when Randy Pausch was still around. I thought that since he was so positive and optimistic, may be a miracle might happen. Despite knowing that his odds was low, I was still saddened by the news of his departure.
I read his book and watched his lecture again, there are still so many lessons to be learnt. Below are my key takeaways:
"The brick wall are there for a reason. They are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."
"Never lose the childlike wonder"
"People are more important than things"
--> Randy poured coke onto the back seat of his new convertible car, to tell his niece & nephew that it is okay to mess up his things. Later that evening, his nephew vomited in his new convertible. Don't get upset over things.
"Don't complain, just work harder."
"Why do pancakes need to be round?.... We (Randy & his nephew & niece) were always making weirdly shaped animal pancakes."
"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time & energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."
"It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit and keep moving forward."
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer."
"If you want something bad enough, never give up."
" Someone asked Randy 'Wow, you got your tenure early. What's your secret?'
He replied 'It's pretty simple. Call me any friday night in my office at ten o'clock and I'll tell you.'
Hard work is like compounded interest in the bank. The rewards build faster."
"No regrets, give it the best shot"
"Showing Gratitude is one of simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other."
Recently, I recalled a lesson that Thich Nhat Nanhtaught us.
Firstly, Thich asked us to imagine what are the things that we are proud of that are inherited from our parents.
I inherited my height and mathematical mind from my dad.
I inherited (learnt) patience and kindness from my mum.
I am grateful towards my parents.
Then, he told us to think deeper about the qualities that we inherited from our grandparents.
I have never met my maternal grandfather.
I started to think about my maternal grandmother who passed away when I was 8 years old.
I started to cry when I thought of the hardship that my maternal grandmother had to go through. She single-handedly raised 4 young children in a foreign land (She came from China), as my grandfather (an alcoholic) died when my mother was young. She never remarry and learned from scratch to run her own small business. She was very thrifty (in fact, stingy towards herself), and would rather spend money on her children. She made many sacrifices to raise her 4 kids, but she passed away before she could enjoy life.
I cried as I felt that Life was unfair.
Despite making so much sacrifices and enduring so much hardship,
she did not enjoy the fruit of her labor.
She was a very strong and determined lady.
Then, Thich said that all our forefathers are with us now.
Look inside of ourselves.
They are inside our DNA and Genes.
I took comfort that she is living inside of me as long as my blood is flowing.
I am bringing her with me when I was traveling the world.
I just hope that I could be as strong and as resilient as her.
By living a good life, I am honoring her.
We should be grateful towards all our forefathers.
Whenever we think that we are great,
think of the qualities that we inherited from them.
My Grandma (93 years old) was hospitalized recently, and I was delighted when she was felt comfortable after I massaged her legs and foot. My parents were pleasantly surprised that I would massage her legs, as that was the first time they saw me massaging legs. (Thanks to my volunteering experience with the HIV/AIDS patients, if I could massage a sick stranger’s leg, I could massage on anybody. No ego issues.)
I never had a long conversion with my Grandma, as I could hardly communicate in Hokkien, the only Chinese dialect that she speaks. She was born in China on 1918, 7 years after the collapse of the Qing Dynasty, which marks the end of the 2000+ years of Imperial Rule of various Dynasties. She grew up in the tumultuous period of Modern China – Civil War, Japanese Invasion (World War II), the rise of Communism in China.
Chairman Mao
(Taken at Beijing University of Posts & Telecommunication)
She came from a good family, as she was educated and literate. It was uncommon for a girl to be educated during the feudal period of China. During the Japanese Invasion, my grandma (in her twenties) ran away from the City to do farming in rural – She sighed that it was a lot of hardship. Then I asked her about the rise of Communism, and I sense her anger towards Communism and Mao Zedong. She said that everybody was suffering – eating roots and tree barks. She said that even if you have money, there is no food available. She said that she would be Extremely Happy to have a bowl of rice (which is a rarity). A lot of people were starving and life was extremely difficult. It’s about survival. Shortly after that, she left China and came to Singapore.
I really could not comprehend the challenges, fears and hardship that her generation of people experienced. Life was really fragile and difficult. We are the lucky generation that was savoring the fruit of the sacrifice made by the previous generations. We pale in comparison, and our problems (job security, relationship problems, money woes, dissatisfaction with life) are trivial in comparison.
After the conversation with Grandma, I ate my dinner that evening with gratitude.
