Reflecting about Birth, Aging, Sickness & Death

The first 4 months of year 2015 went past quickly... 

This is Life... it will go past quickly as well...

I am sure that on my deathbed, 

I would say that life went past just like a flash...

I am still learning how to deal with Birth, Aging, Sickness & Death.

Actually, I am fearful of death... 

To be exact, I am afraid that on my deathbed, 

I would regret not living a full life.

I kept reminding myself that I will get old soon and my prime years will be over soon.

I really don't want to waste my life idling and moving aimlessly in the stream of life.

So far, this year, I have attended 6 wakes - 2 aunts wake, 1 HIV patient, 1 friend's dad, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, and last week was my grandma's wake. 

I have 2 friends fighting for their lives - suffering from acute leukemia, and a friend's wife is suffering from thyroid cancer, and another distant friend just recovered from nose cancer. They are all in their 30s like me, in the prime of their lives. 

So far, I have been lucky, but I will never know if my luck will run out.

Some thoughts:

- You can overcome your fears slowly. 

When I was young, I was quite fearful of funeral, coffins and dead people. Recently, after attending so many wakes, I am getting more comfortable. I performed a funeral prayer service together with my group of volunteers for the HIV patient. Last monday, I was alone with the body of my grandmother in the hospital for almost one hour (while waiting to transfer her body from the ward to the mortuary). I was chanting for her and playing Buddhist Chanting music. Hopefully, she has a smooth passage to her afterlife, if there is one.

- Physical Possession is really over-rated

Grandma has been a very thrifty and hardworking person. We discovered many new clothes in her wardrobe that she never wore. She kept a lot of new things, but never used them. On the contrary, I told myself that if I do not use an item for 1-2 years, I should consider discarding/donating it away. Spending on experience will add more values to my life, it can broaden my horizon, change my perspectives, increase my understanding and knowledge of the world. So I will continue to de-clutter.

- Usefulness of Dharma (Buddha's Teaching)

I am not 100% Buddhist, as I am still not sure if there is afterlife, if there is reincarnation, if the law of Karma really works. I guess I could never be a 100% Buddhist, but Dharma is far better than ALL other religious teachings I have came across. The Dharma is very useful for me to understand the nature of life, which is Impermanence in nature. This philosophy has helped me to accept changes in life. And also attachment is one of the main sufferings of life, and the antidote to many sufferings is to learn to let go of many things including our ego. This also helped me to understand myself better.

May you be free from sufferings.

May you find happiness in life.

_/\_

Article: My house is shabby, but it is comfortable

I am always impressed by Dr Lee Wei Ling's way of thinking.

Coming from the most influential family in Singapore, yet, she is so grounded.

This is a good article written on Jan'09
_____
My house is shabby, but it is comfortable

There is no end to wanting – after the Ferrari and the Birkin bag, what next?

By Lee Wei Ling

In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: ‘Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time.

Slump time in the public sector is always less painful compared to the private sector.’ Slump time has arrived with a bang.

While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.

Decades of the good life have made us soft.

The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore , have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities. A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.

A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.

The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories.

I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.

The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption.

Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse.

I am not an economist, but wasn’t that the root cause of the current crisis – Americans spending more than they could afford to? I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don’t believe in the supernatural and I don’t think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: ‘Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.’

My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal.

My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today’s standards, but it is simple – in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.

Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew‘s home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.

Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate. But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times. No matter how poor you are in Singapore , the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore .

Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.

Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy.

Enjoying the fruits of one’s own labour is one’s prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously. But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering.

After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to? Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.

When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?

We know which is the correct choice – and it is within our power to make that choice.

In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.

To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

2 Articles of Minimalism: Less is more & The Science of Simplicity

Article: http://www.globaltimes.cn/content/892227.shtml

Less is more

Swamped by consumerism, young turn away from possessions

Wang Zhe sat in front of his wardrobe, trying to pick a formal suit out from the hundreds of items of clothing in his collection.

The immense range of clothes included dozens of jeans from well-known brands, as well as a wide array of jackets lurking at the far end of the wardrobe. As he looked past the "basketball pants" he had asked his friend to buy in Hong Kong, he found he couldn't find any suitable formal wear.

At that moment, Wang, who works in human resources with an international company, felt that he had taken a few wrong turns in his life.

"I used to spend lots of money buying fashionable clothes, hoping to win people's recognition and attention. But at that moment I felt that I had just bought a bunch of useless rubbish," said the 34 year old.

Despite buying a new suit to solve his troubles, Wang came up with the idea of changing his life completely.

"Since then I have been struggling to be more of a minimalist," said Wang, referring to a trend toward reducing possessions and living simpler lifestyles. He has since brought his number of clothes items down from over 400 to less than 100.

100-item challenge

After seeing a challenge online, which encourages people to reduce their number of possessions, Wang gave it a try. The challenge said that participants should reduce the number of items they own to below 100, and the number of items of clothing to below 33.

"A pair of socks is two items. And 100 items can supposedly satisfy all your personal demands," said Wang. "It's easy for you to throw away items from 400 to 300, from 300 to 200. But it's hard to limit the number from about 120 to less than 100."

When Wang felt uncertain and unwilling to throw away some objects, he packaged them together and set a time limit on how long he would keep them. "If the items have not been used in the next six months, I will throw them away," Wang said.

During the process of throwing things away, he noted that it is a process of contemplating your life and what is important to you.

Considering himself an intellectual, Wang used to have a wall of books in order to create an atmosphere of a scholarly residence.

"I used to buy mountains of books but only read them pages at a time. I gradually realized that gaining knowledge does not come through a wall of books."

One month later, he gave some precious books to friends and others to libraries.

In addition to donating and giving the items to other people, Wang has a "one in, one out" rule to limit his items to less than 100.

"Most of the time I will get a new item when the old one is broken. But if I have something that I like so much, I will donate the old one first to get the new one," said Wang.

In a recent accounting, Wang had only 87 items. "I care about the quality rather than the quantity of items. Using money that could buy seven pairs of jeans, I buy one item of clothing I need. The money saved is instead spent on things that I really want, like traveling."

Minimalist lifestyle

A common view in the West, as seen in a number of films and books, is that the concept of a minimalist lifestyle is rooted in Buddhist religions which have a long history in China, and also advocate the shedding of possessions.

Master Lijing, a professor at the Buddhist Academy of China, said that according to Buddhist beliefs, everything is impermanent and that people's obsessions towards owning things is the cause of suffering. "So Buddhism advocates a similar principle to minimalism because everything is changing and you can't hold on to possessions," said Lijing.

------

Article: http://elitedaily.com/money/science-simplicity-successful-people-wear-thing-every-day/849141/

The Science Of Simplicity: Why Successful People Wear The Same Thing Every Day

Have you ever thought about how much time you likely waste deciding what to wear in the morning? It’s probably made you late to school or work more times than you can count.

We waste so many precious moments concerning ourselves with frivolous details. An outfit will not change the world, it probably won’t even change your day.

This is not to say that fashion isn’t important, as it has an immense impact on culture and, in turn, the direction of society.

Indeed, fashion is where art, culture and history intersect. If we look at the 1960s, for example, the way people dressed was very much a reflection of the counterculture movement and the anti-establishment sentiments of the era.

Simply put, clothes can tell us a lot about sociology.

Yet, at the same time, we’ve arguably become an excessively materialistic and superficial society. Undoubtedly, there are greater things to worry about than clothes.

Similarly, as the great American author Henry David Thoreau once stated:

Our life is frittered away by detail.
…Simply, simplify.

In essence, don’t sweat the small stuff. Make your life easier by concentrating on the big picture.

Correspondingly, a number of very successful people have adopted this philosophy in their daily routines.

Decision Fatigue: Why Many Presidents And CEOs Wear The Same Thing Every Day

Whether you love or hate him, it’s hard to argue against the notion that President Obama has the most difficult job in the world. As the leader of the most powerful country on the planet, the president has a lot on his plate.

Regardless of what he does, he will be criticized. Simply put, he’s got a lot of important things to think about beyond his wardrobe.

This is precisely why President Obama wears the same suit every single day. Well, almost every day, we can’t forget about the time the Internet exploded when he wore a khaki suit. Although, that probably says less about him and more about us.

The majority of the time, however, Obama wears either a blue or gray suit. In an article from Michael Lewis for Vanity Fair, the president explained the logic behind this routine:

‘You’ll see I wear only gray or blue suits’ [Obama] said.

‘I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.’ He mentioned research that shows the simple act of making decisions degrades one’s ability to make further decisions.

As Stuart Heritage puts it for the Guardian, “Barack Obama has pared his wardrobe down to such a degree that he can confidently walk into any situation and make decisions that directly impact on the future of mankind.”

The president is not alone in this practice. The late, great, Steve Jobs wore his signature black turtleneck with jeans and sneakers every single day.

Moreover, Mark Zuckerberg typically wears a gray t-shirt with a black hoody and jeans when seen in public. Similarly, Albert Einstein reportedly bought several variations of the same gray suit so that he wouldn’t have to waste time deciding what to wear each morning.

This is all related to the concept of decision fatigue. This is a real psychological condition in which a person’s productivity suffers as a result of becoming mentally exhausted from making so many irrelevant decisions.

Simply put, by stressing over things like what to eat or wear every day, people become less efficient at work.

This is precisely why individuals like President Obama, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg and Albert Einstein decided to make life easier by adopting a monotonous wardrobe.

Obviously, as these are some of the most successful and productive individuals in history, they are on to something.
Make Life Simple

Indeed, having a diverse collection of clothing is overrated. We waste so much time worrying about things that have no substantial consequences, and don’t even realize how easily we could change this.

This is exactly why President José Mujica of Uruguay rejects conformity and refuses to wear a tie, stating:

The tie is a useless rag that constrains your neck.

I’m an enemy of consumerism. Because of this hyperconsumerism, we’re forgetting about fundamental things and wasting human strength on frivolities that have little to do with human happiness.

He’s absolutely right. The vast majority of us are guilty of obsessing over material things. When it comes down to it, they bring no real value to our lives. True fulfillment is acquired by going out into the world and fostering palpable and benevolent changes.

Buying a new pair of shoes might make you feel more confident in the short-term, but it will not enrich your life in the long-term.

Undoubtedly, the world would be an extremely boring place if we all wore the same exact thing every day.

Yet, we might all consider simplifying our lives a bit more by reducing the amount of time we spend thinking about pointless aspects of our day. In the process, one might find that they are significantly less stressed, more productive and more fulfilled.

Life is complicated enough, don’t allow the little things to dictate your happiness. Simplify, simplify.

++++

I have been embarking on the journey of minimalism for the past few years. I am still far from living with 100 items. 

It is a journey of getting rid of things that are unimportant, letting go of the past, and focus on the things that really matters.

I don't miss any of the things I gave away or recycled.

Nowadays, I only buy things that I need or I really really like. 

So sales and discount, factory outlets don't really excite me anymore. 

It is a liberating process. 

I felt at peace.

Less is indeed more. =)

Lamrim Meditation Retreat

I went for a short meditation retreat (A Tibetan Buddhism Tradition - Lamrim)

I did not complete the retreat (again!), but I left early with some good lessons & reminders.

Be grateful.

Be grateful to be born as a human being.

It is not easy being born as a human being (both on a spiritual and evolution point of view)

There are many things to be grateful about too.

Practice gratitude.

Seeing the Truth: The Impermanence of Life.

My life is impermanent, I will definitely die.

My health is impermanent, I will fall sick and die. 

My relationship is impermanent, I will say goodbye to my family and friends eventually.

My wealth is impermanent, I will part with it eventually.

My identity is impermanent, I am always changing.

Even my suffering is impermanent too.

One of the sufferings is attachment.

The antidote is letting go (by recognizing the Truth).

I hope when it is time for me to go, 

I would be at peace and be willing to let go.

May you be at peace too.

Article: 13 Ways to be Happier

Letting go is an antidote to many unhappiness.
Letting go is a path to freedom =)

_________

Source: http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy/

Without realising it, many of our thought habits get in the way of our happiness and cause us to get stuck into negative patterns of thinking. Below we will look at 13 ways we can rewire our thoughts and minds into allowing ourselves to feel the happiness that we deserve, freeing us to live, love and be happy. We will look at how we can liberate ourselves from those thoughts and mental habits that hold us back and hold us down, we will look forward to a better, happier and more positive new us. Follow this advice and not only will you feel better but those around you will too, after all, only a lit candle can light other candles.

1. Let go of your complaining
Throughout the day we could potentially find countless things to complain about, the weather, the traffic, the service we got at a restaurant but how does this constant whinging make things any better for us? Does it make things better for us? Does is make us happier? Or does it just put a downer on our mood and make us feel unhappy, low and depressed? Our mood is in our hands, we can choose to react to any situation however we want, we can allow ourselves to sucked into a negative state of mind or we can rise above that and be happy despite the traffic!

“Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Martin Seligman

2. Let go of having to always be right. 
Many of us struggle with the even the thought of being wrong and will go as far as falling out with dear friends or loved ones solely for the sake of being right. Letting go of this habit will lead to better relationships for all. A sense of serenity in knowing that even though you may have been right, you’ve saved yourself and those around you a great deal of stress, worry and tension in not having to be right or have the last word. Wayne Dyer wrote “Would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?” Think about that next time you find yourself fighting this habit!

3. Let go of any self defeating ideas
Most of the hurdles we face in life are actually ones that we have concocted up in our minds, they are imaginary, unreal and they are what prevent us from moving forward, not our actual circumstances. These imaginary hurdles warp our ideas about what we can and cannot do, what is and what is not possible. We need to learn to see through these hurdles. Then we will be ready to spread our wings and fly!

An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you – Goi Nasu

4. Let go of your fears
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Our fears are unfortunately hindrances that we create for ourselves. Imagine all those hindrances had vanished, how would you feel? Close your eyes and imagine that for just a moment. Feel good? Now try living that way.

Being kind to yourself in thoughts, words and actions is as important as being kind to others.

5. Let go of attachment
Attachments create an atmosphere of fear. You are not reliant on things and allowing yourself to think you are will prevent you from being happy.

6. Let go of making criticism
Refrain from criticising anything and everything that you don’t understand. We are all different and that’s what makes life beautiful; what a boring place this would be if we were all the same. Allow people and things to be different, don’t see difference as an excuse to criticise. We all want to be happy, let’s allow ourselves to be happy and lets allow others to be happy.

7. Let go of blaming 
Stop trying to find reasons for why things are what they are, in looking to explain things away we often try and find fault in something or someone, this negativity harms those around us, but more than anyone else, it harms us!

8. Let go of trying to impress other people
There are so many more important things in life than worrying what someone thinks of our shoes, what you do for a living or the car you drive. These things are not that are going to nurture healthy relationships. What people want from you is to be real, to be yourself, when you drop all pretences you’ll realise that people appreciate you for who you are and you’ll find your relationships are now stronger and deeper.

9. Let go of your excuses
Sometimes we get into the habit of making excuses for the sake of making excuses. We have all the time, resources and energy that we will ever have. We need to take advantage of our youth, good health, wealth, free time and most of all, our lives while we have them!

10. Let go of trying to always control
Situations, events, people; as much as we may try, much of what happens around us cannot be controlled by us and so we must spare ourselves the hassle of trying to think that it can. Let everyone and everything around you just be and you will feel much more relaxed and happier.

11. Let go of the past
Keep things in perspective, never dwelling on the past or being anxious about the future, rather enjoying these precious everyday moments. Today is all you have. Tomorrow has not been promised to you and yesterday has passed you by. So be present in all that you do. Remember, these are the good old days, happiness is not something you can postpone for the future.

12. Let go of resisting change
Every life process entails change. As human beings we often enjoy familiarity and once we become comfortable we become resistant to change. But very little lasts forever and so we have to alway be ready for change, that doesn’t mean we fear it, rather we embrace it whenever it comes knocking at our door, we welcome it in and see it as opportunity, opportunity for something new and better.

13. Let go of living life to other people’s expectations
Too much of our lives is spent trying to fit into social archetypes. We allow the expectations of others determine the job we do, the car we drive, the clothes we wear and much more! How much happier would we be if instead we followed our hearts and did things the way we wanted to do them. We allow our loved ones to dictate to us, our parents, siblings, partners and often we allow influences such as the media or government to dictate to us how we live our lives. We are all talented individuals, we all have something to offer, something unique. Each one of us is gifted. We need to nurture our talents and gifts and contribute through doing what we do best, doing what we love, rather than doing what we think is expected of us.

Review of 2012

Year 2012 is a pivotal year in my life. There were moments of fear, disappointment, gratitude, happiness, sadness, frustration, contentment and peace. I am glad that I ended year 2012 on a high note.

I was grateful that someone gave me a helping hand when I was in need. I was worried when my father was hospitalized. I was elated when I landed my ideal job (something that I had been working hard for past 6 years). I was sad when 2 friends passed away suddenly (especially leaving this world on a sad note). I was touched when I managed to raise more than S$5000 within 2 days for a school in remote India. I was happy to see the joy on the faces of children from disadvantaged background. 

Things will always change. From good to bad, vice-versa. That is the impermanence of life. It is foolish to think that life will always be good. I am coping with changes in life better, as I have accepted that this is the reality of life. Whenever I cannot accept this fact, I would suffer.

Life will always present us with many challenges. Instead of wishing for smooth sailing year (which is almost impossible). I wish everybody will learn some life wisdom to deal with all the uncertainties, good and bad in life.

Be Humble

There are so much things to learn from other people. There are so much things that we do not know. Humility allows us to learn more things and keep an open mind. We always need other people's help as we are all interdependent.

Be Compassionate

Before you pass a judgement on another person, put yourself into his/her shoe. Be mindful that everybody is the same - everyone just wants to be happy. If we see that everyone is just like  us, we would be more forgiving and more compassionate. Showing compassion is the only way to renew life. 

Remember to be compassionate/love to ourselves too. We, too, make mistakes, learn from it, forgive ourselves and remember not to do it again. Move on and remember that other people also make the same mistakes as us.

Do your Best

There is so much stress to meet other and our own expectations. We could never accomplish all our goals. Certain things in life are just beyond our control. We must always do our best, and be at peace with the results. If things do not work out, at least, we find solace that we have done our best. There is nothing to be ashamed when we have given our best.

Be Grateful

Remember that all things that we enjoy now is given by so many other people. A reminder of the Impermanence of Life is always helpful. I am aware that my health is not permanent, my family & friends are not permanent, my wealth is not permanent, my career is not permanent and most importantly, my life is permanent. So many bad things could happen in a minute, anything could be taken away from you anytime anywhere. Be grateful and contented.

Let Go

We came to this world with nothing. Yet, over the years, we learn so much things (thanks to the kindness of our parents and many other people) and accumulate so much possessions. The problem is not with the accumulation, but the attachment to things/identity/relationship etc... There is always time to say goodbye. Everything in life ends - your favourite things, pets, friends, family, relationship, career, health... It is inevitable. Learning to let go is a good way to set ourselves free. 

Personally, I always practice these qualities and it improves my life. I find peace and happiness more easily. I am more grateful. I am more willing to share and give. These qualities are especially useful in times of difficulties and uncertainties. I am still learning and hoping to improve myself.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." 

-- Theodor Seuss Geisel

May you find happiness and peace in your life.

Story: Calmness Despite Adversities

A nice story taken from http://thedailyenlightenment.com/

On another occasion, Rahula (The only son of Buddha) followed his teacher, Sariputra, on a trip to teach the Dharma. At noon, they begged for alms in the vicinity of Rajagriha. They met a young hooligan, who poured sand on purpose into Sariputra's alms-bowl, and hit Rahula's head with a stick. Blood kept flowing out from the injured part of Rahula's head.

Sariputra comforted Rahula, saying, "Rahula, as disciples of the Buddha, we must cultivate the virtue of patience. We must not be angry with evil people. On the other hand, we should even pity them, because they do not know that every action will produce results, so they commit evil actions." 

After listening to Sariputra, Rahula was calm and unruffled. Without uttering a word, he went to the riverbank by himself, and washed away the blood on his head and face. Then, he used his handkerchief to dress the wound. He then continued to beg for alms from others, as if he had not been injured at all.

+++

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” 

- Lord Buddha

Last year, I experienced extreme anger that I was trembling with rage. For 2 days, my whole mind was obsessed with the anger and how to take revenge against that person. In the end, I decided that it is better to let it go (for the sanity of my mind) and distance myself from that person. Recently, someone shared with me the bad news befell on that person.

Firstly, I do not feel anything (I wasn't happy), as I had already let go of the unhappy incident. Secondly, you always reap what you sow. If his negative behavior is consistent, negative outcome will ripen sooner or later. 

Article: Pain is not wrong

Taken from: http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/pain-is-not-wrong

"Whenever we react to pain with fear and view it as “wrong,” we set in motion a waterfall of reactivity. Fear, itself made up of unpleasant sensations, only compounds the pain—now we not only want to get away from the original pain, but also from the pain of fear. In fact, the fear of pain is often the most unpleasant part of a painful experience. When we assess physical sensations as something to be feared, pain is not just pain. It is something wrong and bad that we must get away from.

Often, this fear of pain proliferates into a web of stories. Yet, when we are habitually immersed in our stories about pain, we prevent ourselves from experiencing it as the changing stream of sensations that it is. Instead, as our muscles contract around it and our stories identify it as the enemy, the pain solidifies into a self-perpetuating, immovable mass. Our resistance can end up creating new layers of symptoms and suffering, since when we abandon our body for our fear-driven stories about pain, we actually trap the pain in our body.

When, instead of Radical Acceptance, our initial response to physical pain is fear and resistance, the ensuing chain of reactivity can be consuming. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat our pain. This same process unfolds when our pain is emotional—we resist the unpleasant sensations of loneliness, sorrow, anger. Whether physical or emotional, when we react to pain with fear, we pull away from an embodied presence and go into the suffering of trance.

Yet, we need to realize that being alive includes feeling pain, sometimes intense pain. And, as the Buddha taught, we suffer only when we cling to or resist experience; when we want life different than it is. As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

When painful sensations arise and we can simply meet them with clarity and presence, we can see that pain is just pain. We can listen to pain’s message and respond appropriately—taking good care. If we are mindful of pain rather than reactive, we do not contract into the experience of a victimized, suffering self. We can meet whatever presents itself with Radical Acceptance, allowing the changing stream of sensations to simply flow through us without making any of it wrong.

Book: Old Path White Clouds

Old Path White Clouds 

After my vipassana meditation, an old gentleman (Retired Civil Servant, Ex-Christian, Meditator) who converted to Buddhism in recent years recommended me to read this book “Old Path White Clouds” – by Thich Nhat Hanh. 

I thank him for recommending this book, which is one of the best books I ever read in my life. I am not exaggerating. If there is only one Buddhist related book that I should read, this would be the one. 

This book is about the Life of Buddha. The author made an effort to retell the story of Buddha in a very “human” way. There is no supernatural or magical feat mentioned in the book. Buddha faced many challenges along the path just like everyone of us, but he dealt with the challenges with wisdom and compassion. There are just too many wonderful things to learn from him. 

Buddha is a revolutionist in his time. He abandoned his life as a prince in search for Truth. He disregarded the Indian Caste system and societal pressure to ordain the “untouchables” and women to be part of his spiritual community. (Note that: Both untouchables and women had no status in India back then, even now at some parts of India.) He is guided by principles and values, not by tradition and dogma beliefs. In 2500 years ago, Buddha saw that everybody as equal. That itself is revolutionary. 

Buddha discouraged his disciples to idol worship, and told his disciples to accept his teachings only if it makes sense to them. There is no eternal condemnation. 

There are too many wonderful stories to share, below is one of my favorites: 

Context: Buddha had attained the supreme enlightenment and went back to his father kingdom to share his teachings. 

_____

The King (Buddha’s father) said “I thought surely you would come to the palace to see your family first. Who could have guessed you would instead go begging in the city? Why didn’t you come to eat at the palace?” 

The Buddha smiled at his father. “Father, I am not alone. I have travelled with a large community, the community of bhikkhus (monks). I, too, am a bhikkhu, and like all other bhikkhus, beg for my food.” 

“But must you beg for food at such poor dwellings as there around here? No one in the history of Sakya clan has ever done such a thing.” 

Again the Buddha smiled. “Perhaps no Sakya has ever done so before, but all bhikkhus have. Father, begging is a spiritual practice which helps a bhikkhu develop humility and see that all persons are equal. When I receive a small potato from a poor family, it is no different than when I receive an elegant dish served by a king. A bhikkhu can transcend barriers that discriminate between rich and poor. On my path, all are considered equal. Everyone, no matter, how poor he is, can attain liberation and enlightenment. Begging does not demean my own dignity. It recognizes the inherent dignity of all persons.” 

_______

May all beings be free from sufferings. _/\_

A Story: Thinking that you know what is good or bad

Taken from Tao Te Ching by Stephen Mitchell.

The Huai Nan Tzu tells a story about this:

A poor farmer's horse ran off into the country of the barbarians. All his neighbors offered their condolences, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't good fortune?"

After a few months, the horse returned with a barbarian horse of excellent stock. All his neighbors offered their congratulations, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't a disaster?"

The two horses bred, and the family became rich in fine horses. The farmer's son spend much of his time riding them; one day he fell off and broke his hipbone. All his neighbors offered their condolences, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't good fortune?"

Another year passed, and the barbarians invade the frontier. All the able-bodied young men were conscripted, and nine-tenths of them died in the war. 

Thus good fortune can be disaster and vice versa. Who can tell how events will be transformed?

=)

Article: Turning 60: The Twelve Most Important Lessons I've Learned So Far

Taken from: http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2012/05/turning-60-the-twelve-most.html

(Great Sky @ Porkara, Nepal)

Tomorrow is my birthday — always an opportunity for reflection, but especially this time. For several weeks now, I've been thinking about what I've learned during the past six decades that really matters. Here's a first pass:

1. The more we know about ourselves, the more power we have to behave better. Humility is underrated. We each have an infinite capacity for self-deception — countless unconscious ways we protect ourselves from pain, uncertainty, and responsibility — often at the expense of others and of ourselves. Endless introspection can turn into self-indulgence, but deepening self-awareness is essential to freeing ourselves from our reactive, habitual behaviors.

2. Notice the good. We each carry an evolutionary predisposition to dwell on what's wrong in our lives. The antidote is to deliberately take time out each day to notice what's going right, and to feel grateful for what you've got. It's probably a lot.

3. Let go of certainty. The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.

4. Never seek your value at the expense of someone else's. When we're feeling devalued, our reactive instinct is to do anything to restore what we've lost. Devaluing the person who made you feel bad will only prompt more of the same in return.

5. Do the most important thing first in the morning and you'll never have an unproductive day. Most of us have the highest energy early in the day, and the fewest distractions. By focusing for a designated period of time, without interruption, on the highest value task for no more than 90 minutes, it's possible to get an extraordinary amount of work accomplished in a short time.

6. It's possible to be excellent at anything, but nothing valuable comes easy and discomfort is part of growth. Getting better at something depends far less on inborn talent than it does the willingness to practice the activity over and over, and to seek out regular feedback, the more precise the better.

7. The more behaviors you intentionally make automatic in your life, the more you'll get done. If you have to think about doing something each time you do it, you probably won't do it for very long. The trick is to get more things done using less energy and conscious self-control. How often do you forget to brush your teeth?

8. Slow down. Speed is the enemy of nearly everything in life that really matters. It's addictive and it undermines quality, compassion, depth, creativity, appreciation and real relationship.

9. The feeling of having enough is magical. It rarely depends on how much you've got. More is rarely better. Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic.

10. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, and don't expect anything in return.Your values are one of the only possessions you have that no one can take away from you. Doing the right thing may not always get you what you think you want in the moment, but it will almost always leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. When in doubt, default to calm and kind.

11. Add more value in the world than you're using up. We spend down the earth's resources every day. Life's primary challenge is to put more back into the world than we take out.

12. Savor every moment — even the difficult ones. It all goes so fast.

+++

This article strikes a chord with me. 

There are so many points that I totally agree and have been trying to practice in my daily life.

The underlying philosophy and values are:

Impermanence of Life

Humility

Gratitude

Mindfulness

Contentment

Simplicity

Slow down

Being Good

Giving Back

=)

Tao Te Ching

Tao Te Ching by 

Sage Lao Tzu (6th B.C.)

"The tao that can be told

is not the eternal Tao."

My friends and I would always quote this line and laugh about it, as we did not understand it. This book was a reading material for a leadership module when I was an undergraduate. After many years, pick up the book again and I start to appreciate it better. I still could not comprehend it fully and there are snippets of wisdom which make a lot of sense.

"Empty your mind of all thoughts.

Let your heart be at peace.

Watch the turmoil of beings,

but contemplate their return."

"A good traveler has no fixed plans

and is not intent upon arriving.

A good artist lets his intuition

lead him wherever it wants.

A good scientist has freed himself of concepts

and keeps his mind open to what is."

"He (the Master) understands that the universe

is forever out of control,

and that trying to dominate events

goes against the current of the Tao.

Because he believes in himself,

he doesn't try to convince others.

Because he is content with himself,

he doesn't need others' approval.

Because he accepts himself,

the whole world accepts him."

"Knowing others is intelligence;

knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength;

mastering yourself is true power.

If you realize that you have enough,

you are truly rich.

If you stay in the center

and embrace death with your world heart,

you will endure forever."

"The Master does nothing,

yet he leaves nothing undone.

The ordinary man is always doing things,

yet many more are left to be done."

"Fame or integrity: which is more important?

Money or happiness: which is more valuable?

Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment, 

you will never truly be fulfilled.

If your happiness depends on money,

you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;

rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking, 

the world world belongs to you."

"All streams flow to the sea

because it is lower than they are.

Humility gives it its power."

"I have just three things to teach:

simplicity, patience, compassion.

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simple in actions and in thoughts,

you return to the source of being.

Patience with both friends and enemies,

you accord with the way things are.

Compassionate toward yourself,

you reconcile all beings in the world."

"If you realize that all things change,

there is nothing you will try to hold on to.

If you aren't afraid of dying,

there is nothing you can't achieve."

+++

The Wisdom from 2600 years ago is still so relevant and insightful.

Hope you learn something out of it.

=)

Where there is life, there must be death.

I was happy to learn the teachings of Master Sheng Yen, but I was also sad to know about him after his death and that I do not have the good fortune of learning from him. A good Dharma teacher is a rare gem. Even with great following from Businessmen to Politicians to Celebrities, he still remains a simple humble monk. That's a mark of a great Master.

"If the mountain won't move, build a road around it.

If the road won't turn, change your path.

If you are unable to change your path, just transform your mind."

"A passing boat leaves no traces upon the waters;

A bird's flight leaves no trace in the sky;

When fleeting success, failure, gain, or loss leaves no trace upon the heart,

the great wisdom of liberation has been achieved."

"Where there is life, there must be death. If one cannot face this reality it will become one’s greatest barrier in life, if one can regard death merely as a fraction within the eternal time and space then death is not an end to life but the beginning of the next."


"Busy with nothing, growing old.
Within emptiness, weeping, laughing.
Intrinsically, there is no "I".
Life and death, thus cast aside."


"The meaning of life lies in serving,
the value of life in giving."


"Our value depends not on how long we live,
but on how much we contribute."


"The deeper our compassion,
the greater our wisdom and the fewer our vexations."


"What I am unable to accomplish in this lifetime,
I vow to push forward through countless future lives.
What I am unable to accomplish personally, 
I pray for everyone to join forces to promote."

"The universe may one day perish, 

yet my vows are eternal"

- The Most Venerable Master Sheng Yen (1931-2009)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheng-yen

For more, you can refer to this website.

'I don't choose to be right, I choose to be happy.'

"I don't choose to be right, I choose to be happy"

A lot of time, we ended up in argument, especially with our loved ones, over really petty things. And most of the time, it is because of our pride and ego. Even though we might be right, it is quite meaningless to prove it.

When someone else makes a mistake, we do not need to say "I told you so". 

It does not help in improving the situation. Such meaningless remarks just create more tension.

In my view, the person is definitely more important than my need to be right.

I do not need to be right.

It is more important to be happy.

I choose to be happy =)

(Taken @ Cusco, Peru)

Overcoming Negative Emotions Talk by Ajahn Brahm (Mar'12)

Yesterday, I attended the talk by Ajahn Brahm on "Overcoming Negative Emotions". 

As usual the talk was packed with people and it was held in a new location. There was a complaint that the talk was disorganized and people had to sat on the floor (I sat on the floor despite arriving 15mins earlier).

Ajahn Brahm's was asked by Angie (the President of the Buddhist Fellowship) to respond to the complaint. Ajahn Brahm pointed out that there was a gap in expectation. People always assume that "we should have this or that" or "things should be like this or like that". However in life, you do not always get what you want. This is LIFE. 

Some key takeaways from the talk:

- Limits the expectation of Life to reduce negative emotions. (My interpretation: It would be a wrong interpretation to assume that we should not work hard. Instead, we should work hard and be at peace with whatever outcome. We tried our best, and that is good enough. Be at peace.)

- How to handle guilt? 

Feeling the guilt of the past does not solve the problem. Learn from it and do something good.

- I like Life as it is

- It is good enough

- Allow it (negative emotions/situations) to be. 

Learn to be at peace.

Things will change.

- How to handle difficult people (ie. Boss/Colleague/Parent)?

Call those difficult people Teachers, as they will teach you a lot of things about Life.

=)

First Quarter of 2012 & Appreciation of Dharma

Even though there is a lack of online entries on the first quarter of 2012, this quarter turned out to be full of different experiences. May be it is one of the most exciting quarter I ever been through. So many things had happened - South America Trip, Taiwan Trip, Change of Job, Vipassana Meditation Course, Father's Hospitalization and many other things. There were moments of pleasures, happiness, unhappiness, joy, sadness, disappointment, fear, peace, anger etc...

There are so many lessons to be learned and to be shared. The things that are really Important in Life is never clearer. And there is something that is always very consistent - Dharma (The Buddha's Teaching). All the things (positive and negative emotions/reactions) are clearly taught in the Dharma. 

Every time I read more about the Dharma, it brings more clarity to Life.

Written by Thich Nhat Hanh on Love without Limit:

"In the womb, your mother took care of you. She ate and drank for you. She breathed air for you, in and out... you were physically attached to your mother through the umbilical cord. Your mother channeled to you through that umbilical cord food and drink, oxygen, everything, including her love... You were there, you had not been born, and yet you were the object of love....

As an adult, you may fight very hard to convince yourself that you and your mother are two different people. But it is not really so. You are a continuation of both your parents. When I meditate, I can still see the cord connecting me to my mother. When I look deeply, I see there are umbilical cords linking me to phenomena as well. The sun rises every morning. And thanks to the sun, we have heat and light. Without these things, we can't survive...

If you continue meditating like this, you can see that you are linked to everything else that exists - on other living beings, but also on plants, minerals, air, water and earth... 

This is the Truth of Interdependence. 

No one can be one's self alone.

We have to be inter-be to be."

A review of my 2011...

This will be my last entry for the year as I am leaving for South America in a few hours time. Year 2011 is a challenging year, and a lot of things did not go as planned. There are periods where it had been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I had to be mentally stronger. The philosophy of "Letting Go" has been very helpful. However, I also acknowledge that my trivial problems are insignificant when I took a few steps back looking at the bigger perspective of life.

Overall, it has been a good year. I am very grateful to be alive.

There are lessons that I have learnt:

1. Fear is the scariest when I chose not to face it.

2. Trusted people are like gems in my life.

3. Dangerous people: highly educated, intelligent, rich and well-connected, but without integrity. Especially those who appear to be friendly and kind.

4. Always ASK. Ask for help. Ask for favour. Ask questions. Ask for your rights.

5. Have a to-do-list and deadline. It instills self-discipline.

6. Learn to say "NO".

7. Simplicity is Beautiful. Less is More.

8. Be a dreamer. Live with No Regrets.

9. Meet more people. It keeps your ego in check. Humility.

10. Letting Go - the antidote to a lot of problems.

11. Be Grateful always.

(Dad & Niece)

I am really grateful for my family and my friends.

Thank You.

=)

Talk by Ajahn Brahm (Dec'11)

Ajahn Brahm

Recently, Ajahn Brahm celebrated his 60th birthday. I really hope that I have the good fortune to listen to him for many years to come. I have been to many talks, and it is rare to find a teacher as good as Ajahn Brahm.

Below are some of my take-ways: 

 - Put the cup (worry) down and be Still

- During meditation:

 Let go of things that make you move -

The Past and The Future.

-We miss out a lot of things in life because we are moving too fast.

Be Still and appreciate the beauty around you.

-Stillness is the medicine we are looking for.

-When people shout at you, give yourself 5 seconds of Silence before you react.

- When surrounded by enemy. Drink a Tea. 

Life is always changing

- In Silence, you see more.