Reflecting about Birth, Aging, Sickness & Death

The first 4 months of year 2015 went past quickly... 

This is Life... it will go past quickly as well...

I am sure that on my deathbed, 

I would say that life went past just like a flash...

I am still learning how to deal with Birth, Aging, Sickness & Death.

Actually, I am fearful of death... 

To be exact, I am afraid that on my deathbed, 

I would regret not living a full life.

I kept reminding myself that I will get old soon and my prime years will be over soon.

I really don't want to waste my life idling and moving aimlessly in the stream of life.

So far, this year, I have attended 6 wakes - 2 aunts wake, 1 HIV patient, 1 friend's dad, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, and last week was my grandma's wake. 

I have 2 friends fighting for their lives - suffering from acute leukemia, and a friend's wife is suffering from thyroid cancer, and another distant friend just recovered from nose cancer. They are all in their 30s like me, in the prime of their lives. 

So far, I have been lucky, but I will never know if my luck will run out.

Some thoughts:

- You can overcome your fears slowly. 

When I was young, I was quite fearful of funeral, coffins and dead people. Recently, after attending so many wakes, I am getting more comfortable. I performed a funeral prayer service together with my group of volunteers for the HIV patient. Last monday, I was alone with the body of my grandmother in the hospital for almost one hour (while waiting to transfer her body from the ward to the mortuary). I was chanting for her and playing Buddhist Chanting music. Hopefully, she has a smooth passage to her afterlife, if there is one.

- Physical Possession is really over-rated

Grandma has been a very thrifty and hardworking person. We discovered many new clothes in her wardrobe that she never wore. She kept a lot of new things, but never used them. On the contrary, I told myself that if I do not use an item for 1-2 years, I should consider discarding/donating it away. Spending on experience will add more values to my life, it can broaden my horizon, change my perspectives, increase my understanding and knowledge of the world. So I will continue to de-clutter.

- Usefulness of Dharma (Buddha's Teaching)

I am not 100% Buddhist, as I am still not sure if there is afterlife, if there is reincarnation, if the law of Karma really works. I guess I could never be a 100% Buddhist, but Dharma is far better than ALL other religious teachings I have came across. The Dharma is very useful for me to understand the nature of life, which is Impermanence in nature. This philosophy has helped me to accept changes in life. And also attachment is one of the main sufferings of life, and the antidote to many sufferings is to learn to let go of many things including our ego. This also helped me to understand myself better.

May you be free from sufferings.

May you find happiness in life.

_/\_

The Happiness of Sharing

Recently, I was quite busy and stressed at work. When I was showering, I kept thinking about work. At times, I felt lost and forgot to ask why am I doing what I am doing? Would I live differently if I am going to die in 3-5 years time? Am I making the best use of my limited time?

I might not be sure of many things, but I am certainly sure about the the Happiness of Sharing. And these are the 2 things that made me happy this week:

Drawing of my sponsored kid. =)

I was checking my personal email after a long day at work. I received the academic report of a child I sponsored in Myanmar. Instantly, it brought a smile on my face. Happy that I could help a child to continue to study. 

A surprise Birthday Celebration

One of the HIV/AIDs patients was spending his remaining days in the hospice. My group of volunteers decided to give him a surprise birthday celebration and I remember that he loves durian. So I bought the best durian I could find (knowing that this might be his last time tasting durians), and the sight of him savouring the durian was priceless. He was really happy, and it made me happy too.

(Note: The patient passed away on Feb'14. I am very happy and glad that we provided moments of comfort and happiness to him.)

Sharing brings Happiness.

There are many ways to use money.

Sharing with somebody else is definitely worthwhile.

Article: 13 Ways to be Happier

Letting go is an antidote to many unhappiness.
Letting go is a path to freedom =)

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Source: http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy/

Without realising it, many of our thought habits get in the way of our happiness and cause us to get stuck into negative patterns of thinking. Below we will look at 13 ways we can rewire our thoughts and minds into allowing ourselves to feel the happiness that we deserve, freeing us to live, love and be happy. We will look at how we can liberate ourselves from those thoughts and mental habits that hold us back and hold us down, we will look forward to a better, happier and more positive new us. Follow this advice and not only will you feel better but those around you will too, after all, only a lit candle can light other candles.

1. Let go of your complaining
Throughout the day we could potentially find countless things to complain about, the weather, the traffic, the service we got at a restaurant but how does this constant whinging make things any better for us? Does it make things better for us? Does is make us happier? Or does it just put a downer on our mood and make us feel unhappy, low and depressed? Our mood is in our hands, we can choose to react to any situation however we want, we can allow ourselves to sucked into a negative state of mind or we can rise above that and be happy despite the traffic!

“Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” Martin Seligman

2. Let go of having to always be right. 
Many of us struggle with the even the thought of being wrong and will go as far as falling out with dear friends or loved ones solely for the sake of being right. Letting go of this habit will lead to better relationships for all. A sense of serenity in knowing that even though you may have been right, you’ve saved yourself and those around you a great deal of stress, worry and tension in not having to be right or have the last word. Wayne Dyer wrote “Would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?” Think about that next time you find yourself fighting this habit!

3. Let go of any self defeating ideas
Most of the hurdles we face in life are actually ones that we have concocted up in our minds, they are imaginary, unreal and they are what prevent us from moving forward, not our actual circumstances. These imaginary hurdles warp our ideas about what we can and cannot do, what is and what is not possible. We need to learn to see through these hurdles. Then we will be ready to spread our wings and fly!

An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you – Goi Nasu

4. Let go of your fears
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Our fears are unfortunately hindrances that we create for ourselves. Imagine all those hindrances had vanished, how would you feel? Close your eyes and imagine that for just a moment. Feel good? Now try living that way.

Being kind to yourself in thoughts, words and actions is as important as being kind to others.

5. Let go of attachment
Attachments create an atmosphere of fear. You are not reliant on things and allowing yourself to think you are will prevent you from being happy.

6. Let go of making criticism
Refrain from criticising anything and everything that you don’t understand. We are all different and that’s what makes life beautiful; what a boring place this would be if we were all the same. Allow people and things to be different, don’t see difference as an excuse to criticise. We all want to be happy, let’s allow ourselves to be happy and lets allow others to be happy.

7. Let go of blaming 
Stop trying to find reasons for why things are what they are, in looking to explain things away we often try and find fault in something or someone, this negativity harms those around us, but more than anyone else, it harms us!

8. Let go of trying to impress other people
There are so many more important things in life than worrying what someone thinks of our shoes, what you do for a living or the car you drive. These things are not that are going to nurture healthy relationships. What people want from you is to be real, to be yourself, when you drop all pretences you’ll realise that people appreciate you for who you are and you’ll find your relationships are now stronger and deeper.

9. Let go of your excuses
Sometimes we get into the habit of making excuses for the sake of making excuses. We have all the time, resources and energy that we will ever have. We need to take advantage of our youth, good health, wealth, free time and most of all, our lives while we have them!

10. Let go of trying to always control
Situations, events, people; as much as we may try, much of what happens around us cannot be controlled by us and so we must spare ourselves the hassle of trying to think that it can. Let everyone and everything around you just be and you will feel much more relaxed and happier.

11. Let go of the past
Keep things in perspective, never dwelling on the past or being anxious about the future, rather enjoying these precious everyday moments. Today is all you have. Tomorrow has not been promised to you and yesterday has passed you by. So be present in all that you do. Remember, these are the good old days, happiness is not something you can postpone for the future.

12. Let go of resisting change
Every life process entails change. As human beings we often enjoy familiarity and once we become comfortable we become resistant to change. But very little lasts forever and so we have to alway be ready for change, that doesn’t mean we fear it, rather we embrace it whenever it comes knocking at our door, we welcome it in and see it as opportunity, opportunity for something new and better.

13. Let go of living life to other people’s expectations
Too much of our lives is spent trying to fit into social archetypes. We allow the expectations of others determine the job we do, the car we drive, the clothes we wear and much more! How much happier would we be if instead we followed our hearts and did things the way we wanted to do them. We allow our loved ones to dictate to us, our parents, siblings, partners and often we allow influences such as the media or government to dictate to us how we live our lives. We are all talented individuals, we all have something to offer, something unique. Each one of us is gifted. We need to nurture our talents and gifts and contribute through doing what we do best, doing what we love, rather than doing what we think is expected of us.

Review of 2012

Year 2012 is a pivotal year in my life. There were moments of fear, disappointment, gratitude, happiness, sadness, frustration, contentment and peace. I am glad that I ended year 2012 on a high note.

I was grateful that someone gave me a helping hand when I was in need. I was worried when my father was hospitalized. I was elated when I landed my ideal job (something that I had been working hard for past 6 years). I was sad when 2 friends passed away suddenly (especially leaving this world on a sad note). I was touched when I managed to raise more than S$5000 within 2 days for a school in remote India. I was happy to see the joy on the faces of children from disadvantaged background. 

Things will always change. From good to bad, vice-versa. That is the impermanence of life. It is foolish to think that life will always be good. I am coping with changes in life better, as I have accepted that this is the reality of life. Whenever I cannot accept this fact, I would suffer.

Life will always present us with many challenges. Instead of wishing for smooth sailing year (which is almost impossible). I wish everybody will learn some life wisdom to deal with all the uncertainties, good and bad in life.

Be Humble

There are so much things to learn from other people. There are so much things that we do not know. Humility allows us to learn more things and keep an open mind. We always need other people's help as we are all interdependent.

Be Compassionate

Before you pass a judgement on another person, put yourself into his/her shoe. Be mindful that everybody is the same - everyone just wants to be happy. If we see that everyone is just like  us, we would be more forgiving and more compassionate. Showing compassion is the only way to renew life. 

Remember to be compassionate/love to ourselves too. We, too, make mistakes, learn from it, forgive ourselves and remember not to do it again. Move on and remember that other people also make the same mistakes as us.

Do your Best

There is so much stress to meet other and our own expectations. We could never accomplish all our goals. Certain things in life are just beyond our control. We must always do our best, and be at peace with the results. If things do not work out, at least, we find solace that we have done our best. There is nothing to be ashamed when we have given our best.

Be Grateful

Remember that all things that we enjoy now is given by so many other people. A reminder of the Impermanence of Life is always helpful. I am aware that my health is not permanent, my family & friends are not permanent, my wealth is not permanent, my career is not permanent and most importantly, my life is permanent. So many bad things could happen in a minute, anything could be taken away from you anytime anywhere. Be grateful and contented.

Let Go

We came to this world with nothing. Yet, over the years, we learn so much things (thanks to the kindness of our parents and many other people) and accumulate so much possessions. The problem is not with the accumulation, but the attachment to things/identity/relationship etc... There is always time to say goodbye. Everything in life ends - your favourite things, pets, friends, family, relationship, career, health... It is inevitable. Learning to let go is a good way to set ourselves free. 

Personally, I always practice these qualities and it improves my life. I find peace and happiness more easily. I am more grateful. I am more willing to share and give. These qualities are especially useful in times of difficulties and uncertainties. I am still learning and hoping to improve myself.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." 

-- Theodor Seuss Geisel

May you find happiness and peace in your life.

Universal Studio Singapore with HIV/AIDs Patients & Family

Yesterday, my volunteer group organized a trip to the Universal Studio Singapore (USS) for HIV/AIDs Patients & Family. Most of them came from a disadvantaged background and do not have the opportunity to visit Universal Studio. In fact, the children were really excited to visit USS.

It was a good opportunity for them to spend some quality family time, and also to forget about the dreadful reality for a while.

Recently, I felt I was a bit jaded and I do not get excited easily. The excitement of the kids was contagious, I was really happy to see the excitement in their eyes. It is the FIRST time they ever visited a theme park. =)

There was a lot of mixed feeling along the trip.

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A female participant said that it was her daughter and her dream to visit the USS, and she thanked the  volunteers & sponsors for the opportunity. While I was very happy for them, I was really sad to know that visiting USS (such a simple task) could be someone's dream. Visiting USS is still out of reach for some Singaporeans.

Life is not fair. 

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A teenage boy was asking his mother if he could go for his soccer match.

His mother replied that he needed to see doctor on that day which was more important.

Then, it dawned on me that not just the mother, but the healthy-looking teenage boy was also HIV+.

This really affected me.

If I was the boy, I would ask:

What have I done to contract such a dreadful virus?

Why am I on medication since birth?

Why me?

His younger sister was not affected (There was 30% HIV transmission probability from mother to child).

I could sense that he was suffering from low self-esteem.

He had done nothing to deserve such a dreadful virus.

Life is not fair.

+++ 

There was a kid who held my hand and wanted my company. I felt that he needed a lot of love and attention. Then, I learnt from another volunteer that his dad had abandoned the family and his mother was in a prison. He and his brother (both unaffected by HIV) was taken care by their aunt who is HIV+ and has 2 kids of her own.

Life is really tough for these young kids, who needed so much parental guidance and love.

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 Some of my friends would complain about their career, expensive housing & cars, little salary increment, office politics etc.. these are really trivial worries. These patients are facing the REAL challenges of Life - issues with health (Life & Death), issues with money, issues with family, issues with acceptance & stigmatization etc... 

I am really glad that they enjoyed at least one day without worries or fears (except for the thrill rides).

It is really a great joy to bring happiness to someone in need. =)

French Buddhist Monk Matthieu Ricard

Read an article on the Straits Time about Happiness by Matthieu Ricard.

Taken from the Article:

"Dr Matthieu Ricard, 65, is the Dalai Lama's French interpreter and a monk in Nepal's Shechen Monastery, from the Nyingma tradition of Tibetan Buddhism. He completed his PhD in cell genetics in 1972 under the supervision of Nobel Prize winner Francois Jacob at the Institut Pasteur, in Paris. Though he moved in rarefied circles as the son of celebrated French philosopher Jean-Francois Revel and abstract water colourist Yahne Le Toumelin, he moved to Darjeeling in India to study Tibetan Buddhism at the age of 30.

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Garbed in burgundy and saffron robes, and carting a laptop, Dr Ricard loves the secluded life, yet is globally connected. He travels with the Dalai Lama, attends the World Economic Forum in Davos, runs humanitarian and heritage projects. Last year, he counted 70 airline boarding passes.

'Personally, I feel wonderful looking at Himalayas from my hermitage. It is 3m by 3m with a big window facing the mountains. There is no heating, no hot water. It's paradise,' he says.

'The only reason I come down is to serve. 

Compassion should be put in action, otherwise it is sterile.'"

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I got to know about him when I was in Kathmandu 2 year ago searching for a book to read during my 2 weeks Everest Base Camp trek. I was fortunate to chance upon his book "Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill.", which is one of the best books I ever read. 

May be it is his scientific and philosophical background coupled with Buddhism philosophy, I found a lot of wisdom and clarity in his book. I am grateful for that.

"...The fact is that without inner peace and wisdom, we have nothing we need to be happy. Living on a pendulum between hope and doubt, excitement and boredom, desire and weariness, it's easy to fritter away our lives, bit by bit, without even noticing, running all over the place and getting nowhere. Happiness is a state of inner fulfillment, not the gratification of inexhaustible desires for outward things." - Matthieu Ricard

In another words, if you want to find lasting happiness outside of yourself, 

it would be a futile effort eventually.

Searching for Happiness....

Read a post on my friend's blog about happiness...

This was my comment:

I know that it has been said a million times...
But Happiness is really contentment...

Realising that we are still alive is a blessing...
Realising that being alive means there is still hope in life...
Realisng that we could be a worse-off position...
Realising that we are already very fortunate...

Talk to a terminally-illed person and he will tell you what's happiness...
Look at the destitutes on the streets of Calcutta and he will tell you what's happiness...
Imagine asking the Jews who died during the holoclaust, What's happiness...
Try asking the 13 year-old Sex Slaves trapped in the brothel in Bangkok...

Every often we forgot that simple things in life is beautiful... and it brings us happiness... Sometimes, we are just been trapped in a rat race, and our vision is obstructed by all those unnecessary pressure and stress....

May be we need to constantly remind ourselves...
May be we need to experience more hardships or setbacks to enjoy the simple things in life...
May be we need to lose something before we realised that we have been living in happiness all this time....