Goodbye Kah Leong. RIP.

My second friend who passed away in the last 2 weeks.

Kah Leong passed away suddenly on Wednesday 3am, after a supper with his wife who is 6 months pregnant (2nd Child). He was an award winning real estate agent and was still working hard on tuesday, when he posted a rental listing on his facebook.

We were in the same class for 4 years during secondary school, but I did not keep in touch with him. I only "reconnected" with him recently via facebook. During school days, he wasn't the nicest guy around, and  could be quite crude with his choice of words. He was very athletic and was part of the school basketball team. In fact, he was quite proud (and vocal) of his physical ability.

Well, the irony is that he died of heart attack. I read on the newspaper that he had heart problem for 5 years already and went through 2 heart surgeries. Most of our friends are shocked, as he was always very fit and healthy (at least, that was the impression).

I felt that it was pointless to be proud and competitive. It is good to work hard and strive to be our best, but it is really pointless and meaningless to put others down (as though the only joy in life is to win other people). In the race of life, sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind, but at end, you realized that you are alone in the race.

I felt sad that he left so early. He was very driven and motivated, and he had a young family to support.

Early this year, he tattooed "Carpe Diem" and shared it on facebook, and his remarks was 

"Seize the day!!! My boyhood dreams finally fulfilled!!!"

Indeed, we should follow this mantra "Carpe Diem".

Life is too uncertain. 

There is no time to waste.

Goodbye Kah Leong.

Hope you had a good journey.

Rest in peace.

_/\_

Article: Pain is not wrong

Taken from: http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/pain-is-not-wrong

"Whenever we react to pain with fear and view it as “wrong,” we set in motion a waterfall of reactivity. Fear, itself made up of unpleasant sensations, only compounds the pain—now we not only want to get away from the original pain, but also from the pain of fear. In fact, the fear of pain is often the most unpleasant part of a painful experience. When we assess physical sensations as something to be feared, pain is not just pain. It is something wrong and bad that we must get away from.

Often, this fear of pain proliferates into a web of stories. Yet, when we are habitually immersed in our stories about pain, we prevent ourselves from experiencing it as the changing stream of sensations that it is. Instead, as our muscles contract around it and our stories identify it as the enemy, the pain solidifies into a self-perpetuating, immovable mass. Our resistance can end up creating new layers of symptoms and suffering, since when we abandon our body for our fear-driven stories about pain, we actually trap the pain in our body.

When, instead of Radical Acceptance, our initial response to physical pain is fear and resistance, the ensuing chain of reactivity can be consuming. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat our pain. This same process unfolds when our pain is emotional—we resist the unpleasant sensations of loneliness, sorrow, anger. Whether physical or emotional, when we react to pain with fear, we pull away from an embodied presence and go into the suffering of trance.

Yet, we need to realize that being alive includes feeling pain, sometimes intense pain. And, as the Buddha taught, we suffer only when we cling to or resist experience; when we want life different than it is. As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

When painful sensations arise and we can simply meet them with clarity and presence, we can see that pain is just pain. We can listen to pain’s message and respond appropriately—taking good care. If we are mindful of pain rather than reactive, we do not contract into the experience of a victimized, suffering self. We can meet whatever presents itself with Radical Acceptance, allowing the changing stream of sensations to simply flow through us without making any of it wrong.

Bye Benjamin C and RIP.

Benjamin C passed away suddenly last week. It was shocking for everybody, as he just got married a month ago and celebrated his birthday with his wife in Gold Coast recently. When I saw his motionless body lying in the casket, it was unreal. It is a weird feeling to see a friend who was normally smiling in that casket. Somehow, it is hard to accept that Ben is dead, and it has affected for me the past week.

I am not exactly close to Ben, but our lives overlapped a few times. I knew Ben during my freshman year in university, and we joined a  faculty student club where he was the marketing director and I was reporting to him. We also took a same module in our freshman year, then we were in the same university program where we spent one year in Silicon Valley.  

Ben was a smart and driven person. He was always smiling and concealing his emotions behind the smile. I got to know him better during the 1 year in Silicon Valley. He was normally friendly, but very opinionated as well. And he definitely had a kind heart.

It was 14th Feb 2002, and we were attending the music module class. As it was valentine day, quite a number of girls in our class received roses and gifts, and Ben suggested that we should buy a rose for our group mate (Cindy) who was unattached. It was a very nice gesture and intention.

After we graduated, Ben worked as a financial planner for a while. He sat down with me and explained the importance of financial planning. He told me that I should start saving and cut down on unnecessary expenses like dining in restaurant and overseas travelings. And I should start planning for retirement as he had already planned his own retirement. That's the irony of life. He was left the world at the prime of his life.

When we were in Silicon Valley, I had series of misfortunes. On the day that I purchased my car, someone smashed my window and broke into it. The following day, I got into a minor car accident. I did not have money for the repair works, and I did not want to get help from my family (as my parents were not doing well financially). I was really feeling down & sad, so I decided to stay at home that weekend. Ben came over to my place and offered to drive me from South Bay to San Francisco City to cheer me up. That is very kind of him.

A Photo of Ben that day in San Francisco, with his signature smiling face.

Ben had been successful in his life. It was quite shocking and sad that he left this world so suddenly. My sadness was deepen when I knew that Ben was very very unhappy during the last few weeks of his life. I am really sad that he left this world with so much unhappiness.

Bye Ben.

I hope you are in a better place now.

May you be free from suffering.

Rest in peace.

_/\_

Book: Old Path White Clouds

Old Path White Clouds 

After my vipassana meditation, an old gentleman (Retired Civil Servant, Ex-Christian, Meditator) who converted to Buddhism in recent years recommended me to read this book “Old Path White Clouds” – by Thich Nhat Hanh. 

I thank him for recommending this book, which is one of the best books I ever read in my life. I am not exaggerating. If there is only one Buddhist related book that I should read, this would be the one. 

This book is about the Life of Buddha. The author made an effort to retell the story of Buddha in a very “human” way. There is no supernatural or magical feat mentioned in the book. Buddha faced many challenges along the path just like everyone of us, but he dealt with the challenges with wisdom and compassion. There are just too many wonderful things to learn from him. 

Buddha is a revolutionist in his time. He abandoned his life as a prince in search for Truth. He disregarded the Indian Caste system and societal pressure to ordain the “untouchables” and women to be part of his spiritual community. (Note that: Both untouchables and women had no status in India back then, even now at some parts of India.) He is guided by principles and values, not by tradition and dogma beliefs. In 2500 years ago, Buddha saw that everybody as equal. That itself is revolutionary. 

Buddha discouraged his disciples to idol worship, and told his disciples to accept his teachings only if it makes sense to them. There is no eternal condemnation. 

There are too many wonderful stories to share, below is one of my favorites: 

Context: Buddha had attained the supreme enlightenment and went back to his father kingdom to share his teachings. 

_____

The King (Buddha’s father) said “I thought surely you would come to the palace to see your family first. Who could have guessed you would instead go begging in the city? Why didn’t you come to eat at the palace?” 

The Buddha smiled at his father. “Father, I am not alone. I have travelled with a large community, the community of bhikkhus (monks). I, too, am a bhikkhu, and like all other bhikkhus, beg for my food.” 

“But must you beg for food at such poor dwellings as there around here? No one in the history of Sakya clan has ever done such a thing.” 

Again the Buddha smiled. “Perhaps no Sakya has ever done so before, but all bhikkhus have. Father, begging is a spiritual practice which helps a bhikkhu develop humility and see that all persons are equal. When I receive a small potato from a poor family, it is no different than when I receive an elegant dish served by a king. A bhikkhu can transcend barriers that discriminate between rich and poor. On my path, all are considered equal. Everyone, no matter, how poor he is, can attain liberation and enlightenment. Begging does not demean my own dignity. It recognizes the inherent dignity of all persons.” 

_______

May all beings be free from sufferings. _/\_

Photography: Singapore Botanic Garden

I did not visit Singapore Botanic Garden for a long time (except for a wedding dinner).

Today, I took time off to enjoy it slowly and mindfully.

It was really enjoyable - strolling slowly, listening to the birds, feeling the breeze, breathing fresh air.

The slower I move, the more things I notice, the more I enjoy.

Practicing mindfulness is wonderful.

Everything is beautiful.

However, it is only visible to those who slow down and appreciate it.

It is wonderful.

I will let the photos do the talking.

=)

When is the last time you slow down and appreciate life?

=)

What is the significance of a Birthday?

I never had a birthday party.

I never wanted to have a party for me.

But I always have birthday celebration with family or friends. 

For many years, I really do not see much significance of a birthday.

Last thursday morning, I found my reason to celebrate birthday.

I walked towards my mum, putting my hands on her shoulders and said this to her while I hold back my tears:

"Mama, thank you for giving birth to me.

Thank you for raising me up."

My mum just smiled and did not say anything.

When I was on my way to work, I received a message from her “生日快乐” - Happy Birthday.

This is her way of expressing her love.

=)

Birthday should be a day of gratitude.

Think about the kindness I have received throughout my life.

Without their kindness, I won't be around.

Be grateful towards my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my friends, my teachers etc....

I am nothing without them.

Thank You.

A simple porridge prepared by my mum when I was sick.

I am grateful for it.

=)

My watch and my anger

Last week, my 4 years old niece took my brand new watch (a birthday present from my brother), and out of mischief, she threw it onto the floor. I lost my cool and shouted fiercely at her. Asking if she would like other people to throw her things onto the floor. She was crying and apologizing to me.

I seldom lose my cool. May be this is the first time in recent weeks/months. 

That evening, while I was showering, a sense of guilt overcame me.

What am I angry about?

Why didn't I "catch" my anger?

Do I really need to shout at her?

Is MY brand new watch that important?

If my niece threw some other people's watch, I won't be as angry.

Somehow, the idea of "MY" thing is more important than other people's thing.

It is my ego problem.

Actually, I don't really care about this brand new watch.

It is just a thing. 

Anger is such a useless quality (unless it is for righteous reason).

Anger always mess up the mind.

We tend to say/do the wrong thing.

I learnt a new lesson.

My niece also learnt a new lesson.

Fortunately, kids do not bear grudges.

=)

People: From scrubbing floors to Ivy League: Homeless student to go to dream college

Really happy for her.

=)

A Story: Thinking that you know what is good or bad

Taken from Tao Te Ching by Stephen Mitchell.

The Huai Nan Tzu tells a story about this:

A poor farmer's horse ran off into the country of the barbarians. All his neighbors offered their condolences, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't good fortune?"

After a few months, the horse returned with a barbarian horse of excellent stock. All his neighbors offered their congratulations, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't a disaster?"

The two horses bred, and the family became rich in fine horses. The farmer's son spend much of his time riding them; one day he fell off and broke his hipbone. All his neighbors offered their condolences, but his father said, "How do you know that this isn't good fortune?"

Another year passed, and the barbarians invade the frontier. All the able-bodied young men were conscripted, and nine-tenths of them died in the war. 

Thus good fortune can be disaster and vice versa. Who can tell how events will be transformed?

=)

Lady Gaga Concert and my thoughts

Lady Gaga's Concert in Singapore

This is the first concert that I ever watched. Generally, I felt that concert ticket is way too expensive, but I decided to experience the showmanship of Lady Gaga. The atmosphere was quite good, people dancing to the music etc... I quite enjoy it, but it wasn't spectacular. Interestingly, the part that I enjoyed the most was when Lady Gaga shared her story as a high school girl who tried to fit in and was bullied by the boys who threw her into a rubbish bin. Not sure how much of it is truth or is it part of the performance. Anyway, it inspired more people to love and accept themselves. That's more important.

On another note, I was reflecting my desire, which is very illusive.

Prior to the show, I had strong desire to watch this performance. But after that, the show did not leave a lasting impression. Then, I reflected on another recent desire - to watch Avengers, which was not great as well. And thinking further, I thought of my previous strong desire to visit Machu Picchu, which I visited in January. Machu Picchu was very beautiful, but it seemed to be better in my imagination.

Desire is temporary and unstable. Desire often overestimates the happiness that a person/event/place might bring. That's why it is illusive. Somehow, we could never be satisfied and a new desire would appear and we  would pursue it until we got it. Then, we move on to the next desire...

People: Ivy League school janitor graduates with honors

Ivy League school janitor graduates with honors

Columbia University janitor Gac Filipaj, center, looks on during the Columbia University School of General Studies graduation ceremony, Sunday, May 13, in New York. Filipaj, an ethnic Albanian who left his native Montenegro 20 years ago to escape war, is graduating with honors after 12 years of balancing studies and his full-time job.

An ethnic Albanian and Roman Catholic, he left his family farm in the tiny village of Donja Klezna outside the city of Ulcinj because he was about to be drafted into the Yugoslav army led by Serbs, who considered many Albanians their enemy.

He fled after almost finishing law school in Belgrade, Yugoslavia's capital, where he commuted for years by train from Montenegro.

At first in New York, his uncle in the Bronx offered him shelter while he worked as a restaurant busboy.

"I asked people, which are the best schools in New York?" he says. Since Columbia topped his list, "I went there to see if I could get a job."

Part of his $22-an-hour janitor's pay still goes back to his brother, sister-in-law and two kids in Montenegro. Filipaj has no computer, but he bought one for the family, whose income comes mostly from selling milk.

Filipaj also saves by not paying for a cellphone; he can only be reached via landline.

He wishes his father were alive to enjoy his achievement. The elder Filipaj died in April, and the son flew over for the funeral, returning three days later for work and classes.

To relax at home, he enjoys an occasional cigarette and some "grappa" brandy.

"And if I have too much, I just go to sleep," he says, laughing.

During an interview with The Associated Press in a Lerner Hall conference room, Filipaj didn't show the slightest regret or bitterness about his tough life. Instead, he cheerfully described encounters with surprised younger students who wonder why their classmate is cleaning up after them.

"They say, 'Aren't you...?'" he said with a grin.

His ambition is to get a master's degree, maybe even a Ph.D., in Roman and Greek classics. Someday, he hopes to become a teacher, while translating his favorite classics into Albanian.

For now, he's trying to get "a better job," maybe as supervisor of custodians or something similar, at Columbia if possible.

He's not interested in furthering his studies to make more money.

"The richness is in me, in my heart and in my head, not in my pockets," said Filipaj, who is now an American citizen.

Soon after, the feisty, 5-foot-4 janitor picked up a broom and dustpan and went back to work.

+++

A reminder that it is never too late to live your dream.

The question is whether you have the courage and perseverance to achieve it? 

Article: Turning 60: The Twelve Most Important Lessons I've Learned So Far

Taken from: http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2012/05/turning-60-the-twelve-most.html

(Great Sky @ Porkara, Nepal)

Tomorrow is my birthday — always an opportunity for reflection, but especially this time. For several weeks now, I've been thinking about what I've learned during the past six decades that really matters. Here's a first pass:

1. The more we know about ourselves, the more power we have to behave better. Humility is underrated. We each have an infinite capacity for self-deception — countless unconscious ways we protect ourselves from pain, uncertainty, and responsibility — often at the expense of others and of ourselves. Endless introspection can turn into self-indulgence, but deepening self-awareness is essential to freeing ourselves from our reactive, habitual behaviors.

2. Notice the good. We each carry an evolutionary predisposition to dwell on what's wrong in our lives. The antidote is to deliberately take time out each day to notice what's going right, and to feel grateful for what you've got. It's probably a lot.

3. Let go of certainty. The opposite isn't uncertainty. It's openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.

4. Never seek your value at the expense of someone else's. When we're feeling devalued, our reactive instinct is to do anything to restore what we've lost. Devaluing the person who made you feel bad will only prompt more of the same in return.

5. Do the most important thing first in the morning and you'll never have an unproductive day. Most of us have the highest energy early in the day, and the fewest distractions. By focusing for a designated period of time, without interruption, on the highest value task for no more than 90 minutes, it's possible to get an extraordinary amount of work accomplished in a short time.

6. It's possible to be excellent at anything, but nothing valuable comes easy and discomfort is part of growth. Getting better at something depends far less on inborn talent than it does the willingness to practice the activity over and over, and to seek out regular feedback, the more precise the better.

7. The more behaviors you intentionally make automatic in your life, the more you'll get done. If you have to think about doing something each time you do it, you probably won't do it for very long. The trick is to get more things done using less energy and conscious self-control. How often do you forget to brush your teeth?

8. Slow down. Speed is the enemy of nearly everything in life that really matters. It's addictive and it undermines quality, compassion, depth, creativity, appreciation and real relationship.

9. The feeling of having enough is magical. It rarely depends on how much you've got. More is rarely better. Too much of anything eventually becomes toxic.

10. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, and don't expect anything in return.Your values are one of the only possessions you have that no one can take away from you. Doing the right thing may not always get you what you think you want in the moment, but it will almost always leave you feeling better about yourself in the long run. When in doubt, default to calm and kind.

11. Add more value in the world than you're using up. We spend down the earth's resources every day. Life's primary challenge is to put more back into the world than we take out.

12. Savor every moment — even the difficult ones. It all goes so fast.

+++

This article strikes a chord with me. 

There are so many points that I totally agree and have been trying to practice in my daily life.

The underlying philosophy and values are:

Impermanence of Life

Humility

Gratitude

Mindfulness

Contentment

Simplicity

Slow down

Being Good

Giving Back

=)

Midnight Sun in Iceland

The World is Awesome!

Tao Te Ching

Tao Te Ching by 

Sage Lao Tzu (6th B.C.)

"The tao that can be told

is not the eternal Tao."

My friends and I would always quote this line and laugh about it, as we did not understand it. This book was a reading material for a leadership module when I was an undergraduate. After many years, pick up the book again and I start to appreciate it better. I still could not comprehend it fully and there are snippets of wisdom which make a lot of sense.

"Empty your mind of all thoughts.

Let your heart be at peace.

Watch the turmoil of beings,

but contemplate their return."

"A good traveler has no fixed plans

and is not intent upon arriving.

A good artist lets his intuition

lead him wherever it wants.

A good scientist has freed himself of concepts

and keeps his mind open to what is."

"He (the Master) understands that the universe

is forever out of control,

and that trying to dominate events

goes against the current of the Tao.

Because he believes in himself,

he doesn't try to convince others.

Because he is content with himself,

he doesn't need others' approval.

Because he accepts himself,

the whole world accepts him."

"Knowing others is intelligence;

knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength;

mastering yourself is true power.

If you realize that you have enough,

you are truly rich.

If you stay in the center

and embrace death with your world heart,

you will endure forever."

"The Master does nothing,

yet he leaves nothing undone.

The ordinary man is always doing things,

yet many more are left to be done."

"Fame or integrity: which is more important?

Money or happiness: which is more valuable?

Success or failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment, 

you will never truly be fulfilled.

If your happiness depends on money,

you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;

rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking, 

the world world belongs to you."

"All streams flow to the sea

because it is lower than they are.

Humility gives it its power."

"I have just three things to teach:

simplicity, patience, compassion.

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simple in actions and in thoughts,

you return to the source of being.

Patience with both friends and enemies,

you accord with the way things are.

Compassionate toward yourself,

you reconcile all beings in the world."

"If you realize that all things change,

there is nothing you will try to hold on to.

If you aren't afraid of dying,

there is nothing you can't achieve."

+++

The Wisdom from 2600 years ago is still so relevant and insightful.

Hope you learn something out of it.

=)

Always be grateful towards our parents

"Mother is a boundless source of love, and inexhaustible treasure. But unfortunately, we sometimes forget. A mother is the most beautiful gift life offers us. Those of you who still have your mother near, please don’t wait for her death to say, “My god, I have lived beside my mother all these years without ever looking closely at her. Just brief glances, a few words exchanged — asking for a little pocket money or one thing or another.” You cuddle up to her to get warm, you sulk, you get angry with her. You only complicate her life, causing her to worry, undermining her health, making here go to sleep late and get up early. Many mothers die young because of their children. Throughout her life we expect her to cook, wash and clean up after us, while we think only about our grades and our careers. Our mothers no longer have time to look deeply at us, and we are too busy to look closely at her. Only when she is no longer there do we realize that we have never been conscious of having a mother." --- Extracted from A Rose for Your Pocket by Thich Nhat Hanh 

"If you were to carry your parents around with you for their whole lives - your father on one shoulder and your mother on the other - even to the point where they were losing their faculties and their excrement was running down your back, this would not repay your debt of gratitude to them. But you could repay the debt if your parents were not virtuous and you established them in virtue; if they were not wise and you established them in wisdom; if they were stingy and you established them in generosity; if they had no faith in the spiritual path and you led them to it." --- Lord Buddha

In other words, the best way to honor your parents is to be a person of good moral values and assist each other along the path.

My Mother's Hand.

Her pair of hands had went through so much hardship to bring us up.

I shall forever be grateful.

Happy Mother's Day.

Want to know what is paradise?

Want to know what is paradise? 

Try asking these wise people 

- Street Kids in India, 

Physically deformed kids in Nepal, 

Terminally ill people in hospital, 

Beggars in China, 

Prostitutes in Bangkok, 

Shoe-polishing kids in Bolivia... 

Kids begging for money in Beijing, China

While they might be part of a syndicate, 

would anybody who has a good future want to join them?

A young Souvenir Seller (supporting his family), Bagan, Myanmar

His dream is to learn how to use computer.

He was beaming with joy when he told me that he didn't need to sell souvenir tomorrow (Saturday),

as he was going to school.

Kids killed in the Cambodian Genocide.

Slum in Hoi An, Vietnam

While we were having dinner together, the mother scolded the kids who wanted to eat the fried eggs (that was prepared for me). Having eggs was a luxury for the kids.

=(

An orphanage with physically disabled kids abandoned by their parents.

The caretaker (seen in the photo) has some physical disability too.

Kathmandu, Nepal.

A street kid scavenging for food in rubbish dump.

Calcutta, India

12 years old kid polishing shoes to support his education.

La Paz, Bolivia

These strong people never stop fighting to improve their lives.

I thank them for the invaluable lessons.

+++

What is a paradise?

May be you and I are already living in a paradise.

May be we are just unaware of it.

You might have the best of everything, 

without contentment and a sense of gratitude, 

you are just a miserable pauper.

Think about it.

Where there is life, there must be death.

I was happy to learn the teachings of Master Sheng Yen, but I was also sad to know about him after his death and that I do not have the good fortune of learning from him. A good Dharma teacher is a rare gem. Even with great following from Businessmen to Politicians to Celebrities, he still remains a simple humble monk. That's a mark of a great Master.

"If the mountain won't move, build a road around it.

If the road won't turn, change your path.

If you are unable to change your path, just transform your mind."

"A passing boat leaves no traces upon the waters;

A bird's flight leaves no trace in the sky;

When fleeting success, failure, gain, or loss leaves no trace upon the heart,

the great wisdom of liberation has been achieved."

"Where there is life, there must be death. If one cannot face this reality it will become one’s greatest barrier in life, if one can regard death merely as a fraction within the eternal time and space then death is not an end to life but the beginning of the next."


"Busy with nothing, growing old.
Within emptiness, weeping, laughing.
Intrinsically, there is no "I".
Life and death, thus cast aside."


"The meaning of life lies in serving,
the value of life in giving."


"Our value depends not on how long we live,
but on how much we contribute."


"The deeper our compassion,
the greater our wisdom and the fewer our vexations."


"What I am unable to accomplish in this lifetime,
I vow to push forward through countless future lives.
What I am unable to accomplish personally, 
I pray for everyone to join forces to promote."

"The universe may one day perish, 

yet my vows are eternal"

- The Most Venerable Master Sheng Yen (1931-2009)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheng-yen

For more, you can refer to this website.

'I don't choose to be right, I choose to be happy.'

"I don't choose to be right, I choose to be happy"

A lot of time, we ended up in argument, especially with our loved ones, over really petty things. And most of the time, it is because of our pride and ego. Even though we might be right, it is quite meaningless to prove it.

When someone else makes a mistake, we do not need to say "I told you so". 

It does not help in improving the situation. Such meaningless remarks just create more tension.

In my view, the person is definitely more important than my need to be right.

I do not need to be right.

It is more important to be happy.

I choose to be happy =)

(Taken @ Cusco, Peru)

Boon's South America Trip (25th Dec 11 - 20th Jan 12)

http://boon-south-america-2012.blogspot.com/

=)

Qingming Festival & My Extended Family

I appreciate Qingming Festival as I grew older. It is part of our Chinese Tradition that should be preserved and passed on to the future generations. It is a good time for family members to get together and show our gratitude to our deceased relatives and ancestors. It is also a reminder of the importance of family ties as well as filial piety.

This is my first time visiting Indonesia during Qingming Festival to pay my respects to my deceased maternal grandparents as well as my deceased relatives.

My maternal grandmother

Last October, I wrote about my maternal grandmother. She was a wonderful and strong person. My eldest aunt was moved to tears when she told us (younger generation) how great a person my maternal grandmother was. In fact, my maternal grandmother was raised in a good family in China and she was literate (which was a rarity for women of her time). Unfortunately, she had to work very hard to raise 4 young children single-handedly, and she passed away before she could enjoy the fruit of her labour.

My maternal grandfather

This is my first time visiting the grave of my maternal grandfather, who passed away almost 50 years ago. I had never met him and was curious about him. For many years, the only thing I knew about him was he died young because he was alcoholic. During this trip, I learnt that he was literate and had a good handwriting, and he was a smart person who had the skill of repairing watches.

When I looked at maternal grandfather, I felt an instant connection with him. Among my extended family, I am the ONLY person who inherits a unique physical characteristic of my maternal grandfather – a protruding lower jaw (which I prefer not to have). It is a funny feeling to be at the grave of someone whom I have never met, and yet, I know that he is part of me. 

My nieces and nephews (children of my cousins) were having fun running around the graveyard and asking innocent questions. They are reminders of the renewal process of life. Soon, my generation would be replaced by them.  And soon, they would be replaced as well.

This is the law of the Impermanence of Life.

I am thankful and grateful to spend quality time with my extended family, and staying at my aunt’s place, where I felt familiar and safe. Even though we did not have time to meet often, we had so much to share and talk that we talked deep into the night.

Family has always been an important pillar of my life, and it will always be. 

Always remember to show gratitude to my family.

Thankful to be born in a family of good people.

=)